Top Ten Most Annoying People at Church

10. The "I-Can-Teach-This-Lesson-Better-Than-You" guy. The one who interrupts the teacher, corrects everything she says (even the way she pronounces "Colossians"), and then reminds her that she finished class two minutes early.

9. The "Everything-is-Serious-all-the-Time" ladies. Those ones who refuse to laugh when you accidentally announce that Debbie HARRY will be giving the opening prayer instead of Debbie Hardy.


8. The "I'm-in-Charge-of-Your-Modesty" lady, who tugs at whatever part of your underclothes accidentally stick out after you spend an hour wrestling a two-year-old in sacrament meeting. Once she gets your attention with vigorous, and highly invasive, tugging, she gives you a disapproving look, and then you hear her whisper to her husband about you.

7. The "Visiting-Testimony-Bearer" who visits your ward so she can bear her testimony in not one, but two meetings, and make lots of evaluative comments about the "feel" of your ward.

6. The "Don't-Limit-Your-Family" Nazi who lectures the women in Relief Society that it is wrong to limit the number of children you have based on something as selfish as "health."

5. The "I-Hate-Children" ladies who give you dirty looks when your kids make noise in sacrament meeting, and then talk about how moms can't keep their kids under control these days in Relief Society. Some of these ladies are also "Don't-Limit-Your-Family" Nazis.

4. The "I've-Had-a-Tough-Week" woman. You know the one. Every time she gives a lesson she alludes to all sorts of awful trials in her life, but never really gives you the real dirt, leaving you guessing what's wrong with her for the duration of her lesson, rather than paying attention.

3. The "Point-Out-all-Your-Flaws" lady who says things like "you look tired!" or "look at all those mosquito bites!!!!" while she rubs her hand along your leg.

2. The "I'm-in-Charge-of-Your-Fast" person who hangs out by the drinking fountain to remind people that it's Fast Sunday and they are not allowed to partake under any circumstances.

1. The "Aloha" sayer. This is the person who may have no other connection to Hawaii than a two-week vacation who starts every talk, lesson, or testimony with "brothers and sisters, Aloha!!!" To which the congregation feels obligated to reply with another "aloha!" even though we are not in Hawaii, but are actually in Springville, Utah.