Friday, October 16, 2009

Halloween Costume Retrospective

Well, it’s that time of year again—my favorite time of year. Friends, it’s the season of Halloween. I love Halloween way more than Christmas, even though Christmas is pretty great, too. Halloween is fun because you get to decorate your house for a full month (and for once it is acceptable to have thick, visible cobwebs in your corners), and you get to dress up and eat candy, but you don’t have to spend tons of money on presents and stay up all night assembling various toys that will be loved and played with for two days and then forgotten about. You don’t have to plan a big meal, and then spend your holiday cooking and baking by yourself in the kitchen. Dollar-for-dollar, Halloween is definitely cheaper than Christmas, plus it has a minimum input/maximum reward thing going for it that other holidays just don’t come close to reaching. And, as my sister told her church leaders, Halloween doesn’t have to be about scary, horrifying things, you can really just focus on the devil instead (ha ha! What a jokester).
I wondered a lot about what I could possibly write that would do justice to my love of Halloween. I considered a lengthy treatise on the negative effect of trunk-or-treats and how they are ruining the fabric of our society (come on, unless you live in a drive-by-shooting type of neighborhood or a foreign country, trunk-or-treats are just another way for parents to micromanage their children to the point of suffocation! Have a church Halloween carnival, but don’t mess with the time-honored tradition of trick-or-treating all over the neighborhood, taking the necessary safety precautions, of course).
I also considered a serious reprimand for those parents who don’t actually let their children consume the candy they work so hard to earn. I’ve heard of candy rationing, candy donating, candy experimenting (this one is the worst, in my opinion), and complex systems of withholding candy so that it becomes a burden and a punishment not only for the kids, but for the parents as well. Dude, be a stickler for the rest of the year, but on Halloween, let it all hang out! Your kids will learn from stomachaches and empty candy bowls that they should slow it down (or maybe they won’t, but who cares? It’s once a year!).
But, really, the best part of Halloween is not the trick-or-treating or the candy, it’s the dressing up. So, I hope you won’t mind indulging me in a little costume retrospective, just to put us all in the mood:
The first costumes I remember were, of course, princess costumes. I was a princess two years in a row, and my mother made me two very pretty pale blue dresses with white dots on them, and took photos of me doing angelic poses (my eyes and hands raised to the sky) in our orange family room.
Unfortunately, I outgrew the princess thing pretty quickly and from then on focused on the less attractive, more gritty, aspects of Halloween costumes: spiders, pumpkins, ghosts (that was an uncreative year), witches, and Pee Wee Herman. My friend Robyn once went out as Fergie (as in Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York). Clearly she was ahead of her time.
My elementary school years were an experiment in Halloween ugliness, and sadly, my high school years continued that trend. I guess I never got the memo that Halloween costumes for teenaged girls were supposed to make them look “hot,” and so I insisted on dressing like a crazy axe murderer with a pot belly, facial hair, a warty nose, and fake blood all over my flannel shirt and torn jeans. I went to the high school Halloween dances dressed in scrubs (you know, like a nurse!) or wearing a grey wig, a cardigan, a tartan skirt, thick tights, black tennis shoes, and reading glasses perched on the tip of my nose. What costume could be hotter than an “old person”? During my sophomore year—or the year of the perm—I could part my hair down the middle, put on a denim vest and a pair of bell bottoms and I was the spitting image of Robert Plant in his early Led Zeppelin years. I took full advantage of this resemblance.
Then of course there was the disco era, wherein I thought it was fine to dress as “a person from the seventies,” complete with bell bottoms, butterfly collars, and feathered hair. You have to remember that this was before the age of Harry Potter and I didn’t have the option to be Minerva McGonagall, Gilderoy Lockhart, Severus Snape, Dumbeldore or Bellatrix Lestrange. I had to work with what was given to me.
In my post high school years, when I was more interested in gaining the attention of the gentlemen, I dressed as Olive Oyle from Popeye. Then I found a charming set of cat ears and a tail, and used them as my emergency costume. Those ears and tail served me well: the first time I wore them was one of the first times I talked to my future husband. So that wasn’t too shabby.
As a married woman, I was thrilled with the costume possibilities: Shrek and Fiona, Lumberjack and Tree, Bumblebee and beekeeper. The options were endless. And once I had children of my own, the options compounded: The Beatles as Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, Shrek and Fiona and their triplets, an ensemble cast of Harry Potter, the Wizard of Oz, etc.
Unfortunately, my oldest son isn’t much for dressing up, and prefers to go trick-or-treating as either a lumberjack (minus the tree) or a welder. Considering his penchant for all things Carhartt, he pretty much dresses like a welder or a lumberjack every day anyway. It’s very disappointing. And my daughter always wants to be some impossible thing, like a bird. So I will have to get a dozen feather boas and sew them onto some footed flannel pajamas and make a beak out of cardboard. If she would let me be a power line or a worm, then we’d be cookin.’
Nowadays, my fall-back costume is an orange and black striped witch’s hat complete with long orange wig. I am hoping to inherit my mother’s inflatable witch costume that has a built in air pump, but for now, she isn’t giving it up. This year I have considered dressing as Michael Jackson in “Thriller,” but I wonder: is it too soon?
I hope you all have a wonderful Halloween season, and that you make the most of whatever celebrity/serial killer/Harry Potter cast member you may resemble. I know I will.
Happy Halloween!

Monday, October 05, 2009

My Political Platform

This is what I printed in the paper last week. I think Rexburg is about to undergo some exciting changes!

If I Were Mayor
I am no politician. And you probably have noticed that I never talk about politics in these articles. That's because I am scared that Chuck Norris might see what I write and hunt me down like a socialist dog. But, with all this talk about mayors and campaigns and what not, I have been doing a lot of thinking about what I would do to improve our town if I were in charge. I hope that when you read this you won't be so impressed that you write my name in when you vote. Please, make your vote count! I choose not to run! But, here is my highly sophisticated and innovative platform, just FYI:

First and foremost, I think Rexburg needs a free pie day. This day could be held annually in February or March, when everyone is depressed because Christmas is over and the weather is bleak. What better way to cheer up the town than with some free pie? And I am not talking about cheap pie, here. None of this pre-cooked crust with some vanilla pudding slopped in. I want quality. The people of Rexburg deserve nothing less. If not a free pie day, then at least a free pie festival.

Second, Rexburg needs someone to pick up, sort, and drop off our recycling. I am a strong advocate for recycling, but what a pain to drop it off! Case in point: I have been driving around town for one month with a case of pop cans, cardboard, and newspaper in the trunk of my car. I just can't bear to sort them and throw them in those ominous blue bins lurking in the parking lot of Broulims. What we need to do is hire some students (who desperately need jobs right now) to pick up, sort, and drop off our recycling.

Third, Rexburg needs better radio stations. Is it me, or did the eighties end twenty years ago? It's hard to believe that I am the only person who does not enjoy country music or Christian rock. Or hip hop, for that matter. When I first moved to Idaho, I wondered if the entire state was still in love with Billy Idol, or if I was taking crazy pills. Come on. Let's cater to that silent majority out there who would like to hear some alternatives to "White Wedding" and "Freeze Frame," songs which are heard on the radio with an alarming frequency.

Fourth, Rexburg needs to recruit the following businesses: Target, Five Guys, Chick-Fila, Barnes and Noble (or some other big box, secular, all-purpose bookstore). I'm just saying, alternatives are nice . . .

Fifth, Rexburg needs a drugstore that is open 24 hours. Case in point: my husband woke up with stomach pain one -20 degree winter morning. Being the devoted and loving wife that I am, I bundled up and went out to get him some tums. It was 7:00 am and Walgreens was closed. What if it had been a more severe emergency? Longer hours for stores=more jobs=more access to tums for my grumpy husband=me happy.

Sixth: Rexburg loved the Farmers Market, and it should be continued every year. Maybe we should even keep going with it through October. Maybe the Farmers Market could somehow segue into a free pie day. . .

Seventh, Rexburg needs a giant fir tree to be our town Christmas tree and mascot, a symbol of our strength, hardiness, and contunal growth and progress, a sacred Rexburg fir tree, never to be cut down or harmed.

Eighth, two words: snow plow.

Ninth, Rexburg needs more cultural events, like bringing in awesome bands such as U2 and the White Stripes. I mean, how hard can it be to get those guys here?

Tenth, Rexburg needs improved customer service, like people who aknowledge my existence, smile at me, laugh at my jokes, and understand sarcasm (like when I say "just picking up a few essentials" when really I am buying a liter of diet coke, a candybar, a bag of donuts, some chocolate covered pretzels, and a large bag of cheetos).

So, future Rexburg mayor and city council, I implore you to see reason. I implore you to take these suggestions into consideration, and to get our citizens some free pie, some better restaurants, some effective snow removal, some customer service, and some U2 concerts. Afterall, our citizens deserve nothing less.

Monday, September 28, 2009

I Got Soul But I'm Not A Soldier

Well, the Killers concert last weekend in SLC was completely wonderful. I loved their music before, but now I am a hard-core fan. Did you know the lead singer (Brandon Flowers) is originally from Utah? And was a Mormon, and then wasn't really one, but now is kind of trying to be one again, since he had a baby? I heard that somewhere. Here were some of my thoughts during the concert:

1. The opening band was mariachi. That's cool. I can dig that. It's something new and different, a musical exploration. I liked them until the singer kept swearing and saying the F word. I mean, hello? Does he not know his audience? Plus, he was a total bad-A, and had a real inferiority complex, at one point saying "you got a problem, buddy? Hey, it takes a lot of guts to come up here and play mariachi music in front of all these people!" Hmmmm.....A bad-A mariachi band full of white dudes from LA? Now I've seen everything!

2. I expected Brandon Flowers (whom I had not really seen a lot of photos of prior to the concert) to be....less.....theatrical. Let me put it that way. I also expected him to have long hair. I also did not expect him to wear what may have been spandex jeans, if that is even a possible combination. So, that was a real surprise. But I still loved him, because how could I not?

(photo from the Killers' homepage).

3. I had a total crush on the guitarist (Dave Keuning). He was the quintessential shy genius behind the band. He was Eddie Van Halen, Jimmy Page, Killer Kane, and the Edge all rolled into one tall, long-fluffy-haired drink of water. At one point, Brandon (who is the quintessential charismatic front man--Bono, David Lee Roth, Micheal Stipe,and David Johansen all rolled into one thin, wiry, ball of raw energy) actually pushed Dave out to the front of the stage, both of them laughing because Dave is really just so shy and uncomfortable in the spotlight. It was a sweet moment.

(photo comes from the Killers' homepage)

4. While I appreciated the homage to U2, I didn't feel that they could pull off a segue from "Smile Like You Mean It" into "I Can't Help Falling In Love With You" ala Bono and the Edge. Nice try, though. I feel where you are coming from on that one. Maybe next time?

5. This was like the best show I have ever seen, and that is saying a lot because I have seen U2 four times (not to mention Beck, Bob Dylan twice, Robert Plant twice, Indigo Girls twice, etc.). But the difference here is that the venue was smaller, and the Killers were more accessible, and every second of the show (besides the ill-advised "Can't Help Falling In Love With You" moment) was 100% energetic, loud, fast, and crazy. It was just so good. The show included, but was not limited to, fireworks, explosions, confetti sprayed into the audience, strobe lights, a large "K" hooked onto a piano that lit up (very 80s retro), smoke, synthesizers (very 80s retro), and zebra print.

6. It was super hot in the arena.

7. I worried that our balcony was going to break from all the dancing and bouncing up and down. I really was worried, which I think must be a sign of my old age.

8. I wished that I had dressed more like the teenagers who attended the concert, but I simply cannot pull off skinny jeans, over-sized striped tunics, pink streaked hair, and ballet flats. Luckily the people we sat by were at least our age or older, so I wasn't too embarrassed by my lack of coolness (gray khakis, argyle socks, and sneakers, for comfort).

9. There was an old guy on the very front row acting like a love-sick girl. It was both bizarre and sad to me.

10. We saw an accident in the parking lot afterward.Some long-bearded dude in a truck got all flustered and backed right over the bumper of some pretty boy's nondescript sedan. It was both funny and strange to me.

11. I was very intrigued by the music they played while we waited for the show. I think this play list says a lot about the band. And I am baffled by what this may mean: the "Night Court" theme song! And "Let's Hear it for the Boy"? There were the usual things you might expect, like the Traveling Wilburys and the Cure etc, but I was taken aback by that "Night Court" thing. What up with that? I can only assume that they either a) have a great sense of irony, b) watched the episode of 30 Rock in which part of the cast of "Night Court" reunites, or c) did not know what the song was when it came up on a list after they searched for 80s music. What could it be?

So, to review: the Killers are really really really great. The arena was too hot, "Night Court" theme song, and I am probably getting too old to go to concerts, but that won't stop me. I still want to see Jack White perform, and then I can die.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

So, lately Mike has been trying to finish his dissertation, which apparently has to involve my editing skilz--curse you, editing skilz! Look, if Mike is going to be gone every night and weekend finishing his dissertation for a year and a half, I at least want to be able to watch netflixed Office, Extras, Flight of the Conchords, and 30 Rock episodes while lying in bed eating candybars! But those days are over. Now I have to HELP him. Ugh. So I've been busy with that lately. And in case any of you are prayin' folk, please pray for Mike on October 23, around 1pm. That's his defense date. No pressure or anything, but you know, a shout out on our behalf would be nice.

Anywho, so I also turned 31, which was good. I have no problem with aging. In fact, I welcome it. When you are in your thirties, it matters less whether you are cute and thin. People's expectations of you plummet, and that is a nice feeling. I can wear black sweatpants and no makeup and people just look at me and think "how brave of her to even leave the house AT ALL!" It's very freeing!

I've also started teaching my online class. I thought that this class would be a perfect fit for my already jet-set online schedule. But I am realizing that when a class is online, it's hard to set a limit on the amount of time you spend freaking out over student emails and podcasts. Don't get me wrong, I love making podcasts (I've been using the Rushmore soundtrack as background music), but it just never seems to end! At least when I teach in the classroom, I can go a day or two without obsessively checking my email. We'll see how this semester shakes out.

Furthermore, Mike is sending me to ROME. I am so excited I don't know what to do with myself. Unfortunately, I will be gone for Halloween and you never know what may happen when Mike is in charge of Halloween (trick-or-treating to five houses only!) But it's a sacrifice I am willing to make so I can finally see Italy after all those years of studying Italian and buying a special "Italy Dress" and "Italy Passport Case" and then only ever getting to go to China and Taiwan. It will be nice to be in a country that believes in the power of the pastry, and that does not subscribe to the red-beans-as-dessert philosophy.

I would post my last newspaper article, but it may be offensive to some of my readers. So I will post my newest one next week, after it comes out in the paper. Intriguing, eh?

Dat all. Peace out.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Sometimes I Sew

I took Katy's sewing challenge for the month of September. Too bad I had already sewn curtains and pillows in AUGUST. Oh well. Katy is a true artist and she makes wonderful beautiful things and she sells them on etsy.com so be sure to click on her etsy shop link when you see her blog. Anywho, sometimes I sew, but when I do, I tend to look like this:

How many bloomin' chins can one girl have?

Here I am thinking,"why didn't I buy matching thread for my bias tape?"

This is the finished project:

An apron for Hazel to wear. Thank heavens the pictures are blurry. Please don't click on them to make them bigger, either. And please don't wonder whether there were supposed to be such fancy embellishments as "pockets." There weren't. Nope. No pockets on this pattern. More sewing to come!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

OH MY GOSH I HAVE TO SEE THIS IMMEDIATELY

This is probably old news to people in the know, but . . . woah.

Those three dudes together in the same room? I may pass out from over-exposure to AWESOMENESS.

Friday, September 04, 2009

This Here's My Pad

I know you all want to see pics of my immaculate house, right? But I have resisted the urge to post them because I really don't want to make you all jealous. Then my friend Melissa kept bugging me and bugging me about seeing my house, so here are a couple of rooms. I will show the rest in installments so as not to overwhelm you with my cleverness and cuteness. So, here goes nothin:
We'll start in the girls' room. This is Ruby's crib and a giant bookshelf that is usually messier than this. Notice the poster taped to the wall. I got tired of waiting around for a frame, so I just stuck it up there. Classy.
Here is Hazel's bed. Notice the embroidery hoops with fabric in them. I stole that idea from Kacy. Also observe the "valence" that I made out of an old tablecloth my Grandma made.
This is my dining room wall and my collection of mirrors. I need to add some more.
This here's the dining room where Ma and Pa chow down. I have a black stool that matches the white one, but it is being used outside on a project. See my canning jars on the counter? I'm so awesome.
This is an old clock that I love but that doesn't work. Once we plugged it in and sparks came shooting out of it!
This is the cluttered table to the left of my fireplace. Notice how cleverly I hide my ugly phone and modem with a stack of antique books! You can't even see the tangle of cords underneath, can you?
This is my mantle. Right now I don't know what the heck I'm doing with it. I have a collection of glass jars in the window, and there appears to be some sort of a bird, pottery,and walmart candles theme going on. Whatev.
Here are the curtains I made all by myself. Can you see the strings and crookedness? Neither can I. They are a light yellow and forest green toile.
Here is the entryway and Hazel. And my cluttered magazine stand.
Here is the hat rack that Mike got me for my birthday last year. It holds an antique purse, hat, and two hats from Taiwan. Don't they go together well?
This is a chair my sister Erin gave me, along with my collection of old aprons and a white tool box thingy that I love but don't know what to do with. Maybe I will take up knitting just so I can store my yarn in it?
This is a hutch I got off Craig's list. Right now it has some of my pitchers and Fiestaware on it.
Notice the laundry baskets and luggage that I am storing for someone because I am so nice, and because they were too heavy to carry down to the basement.
This here's the couch that has pen, candle wax, and some unidentifiable stains on it. I made the polka dot pillows myself! Hanging above the couch is Mike's painting of Lehi's dream that he got on his mission.

Well, that's all for today--mainly because the rest of my house is in such a horrid state of clutter. When I get that cleaned up, you can see the rest. In the mean time, I really hope you don't feel too bad about your own houses. I'm sure some day yours will look as good as mine. (PS, sorry about the crookedness and blurriness of the pics. I think the camera gets like that when it has low batteries or something. Whatev.