Viewer Discretion Advised

Remember back in the 80s when once a year normal sit coms would totally stray from their usual format and do a sort of PSA-type episode addressing a social problem? There was usually a disclaimer about the sensitive material to be addressed in the episode, and sometimes there was a dedication at the end: "For John." And we can assume that "John" probably died because of whatever issue was being addressed in the episode? I totally remember that.

Ricky Schroder's rebellious cousin comes for a visit, and we learn that shoplifting is bad. Jessie Spano gets in over her head with her new band, academic pressures, and student council responsibilities, turns to pills to keep herself going. Alex Keaton does the same thing, rifles through Mallory's purse (which severely strains their mutual trust), and ends up sleeping through his super important test after he comes crashing down from his diet pill high.

Carol from Growing Pains has a boyfriend (which we couldn't even believe to begin with) who drives drunk and dies. Poor Carol.

Kimberly's friend on Different Strokes leaves a positive pregnancy test in their bathroom. Arnold befriends a person with epilepsy and we learn to be nice to people with challenges like that.

I remember a particularly poignant episode of Silver Spoons that has turned me off to hunting for the rest of my life. I guess hunting was in the same category of evil as doing drugs, drinking, and making fun of people with diseases back then?

But now every show is in itself a PSA. You want to learn about the ups and downs of teen promiscuity? Just watch "Friday Night Lights." Need a cautionary tale about drugs? You can try "Breaking Bad." I mean, the list goes on. Instead of designating one special show a year, the entire premise of shows now is sex, drugs, and the evils of hunting (just kidding, hunters). It's an interesting shift. I don't know what it means. Maybe it's a moral decline? Or maybe it's art imitating life more accurately--we all know someone who sells meth on the side, right? Or maybe it's just that TV thinks it needs to be more complex and "grown up" than it used to be?

Oh, TV... What will you think of next!?

Another thing you don't see on TV anymore that used to be a STAPLE is Christmas-themed episodes where a character on the show has a visit from the ghosts of Christmases past, present, and future. I miss those episodes!

Holden

Holden is the best.  He brings me breakfast in bed, just because, on a school day. And the breakfast is not some half-baked piece of toast with unmelted butter spread haphazardly on it. The breakfast is  sausage.

He seems particularly attuned to my feelings and is always there with a hug when he thinks I need one (and I do). He never tries to solve my problems. Or, if he does try to solve them it's usually through a hilariously impractical idea that ends up just making me laugh. He thanks me for making dinner every night. Every night!

 He gets as much of a kick out of poor writing as I do, and we have even started a blog (coming soon) to parody the Local Review. I read the bad writing out loud ("if you have any questions regarding any questions you may have, please write to the editor at...") and he laughs till he can't breathe.

Once we spent three hours on a Sunday afternoon challenging each other to come up with words for Cajun Man. "InspecSHONE....contribuSHONE." We only stopped when it was time to say the invocaSHONE on our dinner.

He laughs at my jokes and likes to hear stories from my youth. He has integrated my past inside jokes into his conversations with me, and we laugh together about them all the time. He will quote lines from home movies I have made ("beef stew! That's good grub! I'll have a turn of that!") and actually thinks they are funny. It is very validating for me! He really builds up my sense of self-worth, ya know?  Like I know I am supposed to build him up, but mostly I think it's the other way around.

Sometimes I think that I probably rely too much on Holden.

On A Scale of 1-10:

How bad is it that I was the only mom at the fifth grade boys' maturation program? Are we talking about years of emotional damage, or will this blow over in like a month? 

It just never even occurred to me that I wouldn't go with Holden. It's not that Mike was too busy. In fact, he stayed home with the kids so I could make it. And it's not that Mike isn't "there" for Holden and is squeamish about discussing such things as maturation (to be said in the voice of "Cajun Man.") It was just like one of us was going to go, so I went. Is this modern, forward-thinking, stereoptype-busting awesomeness? Or, just stupid weirdness? I wish I knew.

So I arrived on the dreaded day and I noticed that it was ALL DADS waiting outside the classroom for the boys' maturation program. I got a ton of funny looks, and people literally kept telling me I was in the wrong place and the girls' program was on the other side of the school in the library.

"Oh, no," I said, "I'm here for my son." Then they would raise their eyebrows at me. Maybe they thought I was a tragic single mother doing my best to support my fatherless boy. Maybe they thought Holden's dad was a deadbeat who doesn't care about these things. I kept wanting to make excuses, like "oh, his dad is all tied up at work" but I stopped myself because it was a lie and because why should it be weird that I was there?

So, anyways, I was embarrassed for nothing because, literally, all they talked about was taking showers every day and how to deal with foot odor. They showed a video that made quick mention of hormones and hair growth, and said many times how these changes are preparing the boys for marriage and fatherhood (which, for some reason, bugged me. I am not anti-marriage or fatherhood by any means, but hello, agenda. Nice to have you pushed right into my face....)

Showers and foot odor: that was IT. The major thing you EXPECT them to talk about --you know--was never mentioned. Afterwards the doctor who did the presentation told me he was asked not to talk about the major thing. He was told to keep it conservative. Hello? Then what did we come here for?  Are the parents who complain about "explicit" maturation programs the same parents who are too embarrassed to talk about this stuff at home, too? I am all about parents being the number one source of information, but I also think that it would be nice for a doctor to tell these boys that certain things are normal and what to expect and how to deal with things in a setting like this one. Because some parents aren't going to want to have these discussions, and boys need the right kind of guidance.

So, I guess I'm a sex-ed advocate now.

Then afterwards the vice principal put his arm around me and said "well, I hope you weren't too uncomfortable in there" like, sort of in a patronizing way. And I wish I hadn't but I just played along and said "oh....it wasn't too bad" sort of sheepishly. I wish I had said something like "um, I think I can handle a discussion of foot odor." It bugged.  Holden totally seems fine that I was there, by the way. I just hope this doesn't come back to haunt him or me in the future.

Tonight is the Mother-Son date at the school. I guess it's okay for me to take him to that. And, yes, I am calling it "MotherBoy."