Tuesday, October 19, 2004

What About the Rest of Us Lepers?

Last night I saw a very insightful program on the channel affectionately referred to as "E!" The program was called "Celebrity Beauty Secrets Revealed."



"This oughta be good," I said, grabbing my two-year-old's knee in anticipation, pencil and paper at the ready. "Come on, E!, wow me." I expected to find the elixir of life right there on channel 59, to finally know how J.Low got that coveted glow, and how Cameron Diaz could look so good in a bathing suit.



But what I got was a whole lotta nothin'. The only "secret" that was revealed was how truly rich these celebrities are (and the fact that Britney Spears uses castor oil on her split ends. I mean, has the girl ever heard of VO5 hot oil treatment? I guess VO5 is too "eighties" for her, not that she would remember the eighties, since she spent half of the decade in a high chair, and the other half in the Mickey Mouse Club. The VO5 is on the bottom shelf, right next to the Noxema and the Ten-06, Britney). These famous peeps are spending $500 on products called "Bone Marrow Cream" and "Brain Lipid Serum," for heaven's sake. As I watched, my desire to kiss Brad Pitt's cheek flew right out the window, along with my hope for a useable celebrity beauty secret.



I mean, my Uncle Tobe has some cows over in Delta, but like I know how to extract their bone marrow and brain lipids, make them into a cream, and then stomach putting that stuff on my face.



That's all well and good for THEM, but what about the rest of us poor lepers out here--the ones who can't even afford L'oreal at Rite Aid? Good to know that I can look as good as Jennifer Anniston if I have a comsetic surgery budget of $1 million. I think I'll stick to Ten-06, thank you very much. Let the cows be put to their original use: becoming juicy hamburgers and thick steaks.

7 comments:

  1. I have seen this show and I agree whole-heartedly. Let's bring beauty to the masses!

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  2. Mayo for hair is a great conditioner even though it stinks. honey and sugar mixed and put on your face is a great scrub. egg whites that have been whipped and spread on your face is a great masque. Cucumbers work well for puffy eyes (or lettuce leaves if you are 6 years old).

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  3. Can't you buy conditioner, scrubs, and masques? I mean, I've heard these recipes before and what I'd like to know is are they better than the ones you buy or are they just more convenient because they are made out of items you might have on hand? I'd really like to know.

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  4. You want J. Lo's glow? Go to Nordstrom, head over to the M.A.C. counter and get some of their golden bronzer. I wear it and EVERYWHERE I go someone tells me I have amazing skin. M.A.C. cosmetics CAN and WILL change your life :)

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  5. Done and done. Thanks for the tip.

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  6. It's just easier because you have them on hand. My close is full of stuff that I tried and hated but refuse to throw away. But my old roommate swears by the sugar and honey method and she had great skin. Oh, and no kidding - Milk of Magnesia spread all over your face with a cotton ball helps clear up a breakout. I use it frequently.

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  7. P.S. Doesn't it seem like leper should be spelled lepper? Like pepper?

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