Thursday, November 18, 2004

Ten Ways in Which My Students Could Discover I am a Fraud

10. Walking into my office unexpectedly, only to find me pulling up my nude, fishnet knee-highs.

9. Discovering the first draft of my thesis chapter one, in which I declare that my proposal is "full-proof."

8. Listening to my internal monologue during class: "If Bono walked in here, right now, what would he be wearing? What would I do? What would I SAY?"

7. Finding out that in a two week span, I lost an entire lesson plan, locked my keys in my office, and accidentally locked the filing cabinet that I share with two other teachers, and for which we have no key.

6. Hearing my true laugh, which sounds a lot more like a seal than a human being.

5. Happening upon my scribbled lesson plan which says "Nov 18th: Brown high heels, brown pants, cream Banana Republic shirt, with rumpled hair look. Oh, and something about citing sources."

4. Seeing me without makeup, and realizing that I am really an ugly old hag disguised as a young hispter.

3. Discovering my collection of past students' finger bones.

2. Reading an end-of-semester evaluation which states "You want to improve English 115 at BYU? Get rid of Carly Paul."

1. Reading this blog.

1 comment:

  1. I love all your teaching posts. They remind me of the David Sedaris essay about the same thing. He spent the weeks before class finding the right brief case. Isn't that just how it is. At least you haven't had your students do "guessays" on soap operas yet.

    What would you say if Bono walked in? Of course, it all depends on if he's lost or if he as come purposefully to see you. . . don't you think? What would he be wearing? He'd be dressed as a young hipster, as always.