Why I Would Rather Blog in Ohio Than in Hawaii

For me, blogging is the same as living. So what I am really getting at with this list is why--why, why?--I would much rather live in Ohio than in Hawaii. Many of you may be thinking that I must be crazy. Living in Hawaii is the typical dream come true, and if you've seen my white legs then you REALLY must be asking yourself why an albino such as myself wouldn't jump at the chance to live in a tropical, tan-all-year-round environment. I wonder this, too. But when I delve deep into my soul, in addition to finding a lot of congealed mascara, I find that I would much rather live in Ohio. The reason why I am in this Hawaii/Ohio debacle is that Mike applied for PhD programs in both places. He also applied to a school in Arizona, which I am just trying really hard not to think about at all (no offense to any Arizonans out there, it's just not my type of weather or landscape). So, here's my rationale for preferring Ohio to Hawaii:



1. I'd like to live in a place wherein my vote will actually matter.



2. In Ohio we could buy a house. In Hawaii we could buy a beach towel and maybe a folding chair--if we saved up, that is.



3. In Ohio I could pursue my dreams of becoming an eccentric antique store owner, and of restoring an old house built in 1910.



4. I really can't deal with the pressure to say "Aloha." I mean, when people say it here in Provo, like in Sacrament Meeting or Sunday school, I have to turn the other way. I just can't say it back. As far as I know, people just say "hello" in Ohio. Maybe if they are British they say "wotcher."



5. Ohio would put me in slightly closer proximity to Five Guys in VA. Hawaii would be a depressingly long distance away.



6. I could maintain and continue to build my enormous sweater collection if I lived in Ohio.



7. My legs are fat and white, and if I live in a cold climate, they will never have to see the light of day. In Hawaii, at some point, there will be that "first day out" humiliation, in which my fat, white legs will be on trial until they can become thin and tan. Self tanner--I know, I KNOW!



8. I have been watching a lot of that bounty hunter show--you know, the guy named "Dog"? I dunno, it just seems like he's always in Hawaii....



9. I've always had a thing for Christopher Columbus, and we'd be living in Columbus.



10. I don't really want any visitors while I am away, unless those visitors are Kacy, Erin, Heidi, my mom, and Marcy. In Hawaii, there's a chance that my second cousins once removed might suddenly turn up. Where will we fit them in our grass hut on the beach?? (Cousin Neil, you are a distant cousin that would be welcome any time).



So, now it makes sense to everybody, right? Hawaii=bad; Ohio=good. Arizona=don't want to think about it.