I hate those people who don't have any kids yet, but who think they know all there is to know about being a parent. You know the ones. I like to refer to them as the "I Will Never's." "I will NEVER allow my children to use a sippy cup," "I will NEVER let my kids eat chocolate," etc. I admit that I used to be like that. I think everyone goes through it to some extent before they have children. And then you have kids and you get your comeuppance and you learn that you should NEVER say never. Here are just ten things that I currently do, or have done out of extreme desperation in the past, that I detested as a naive "I Will Never."
10. Drive my kid around in the car in order to get him or her to fall asleep.
9. Allow my kid to continue a nap in the car after we get home (the car is turned off, of course).
8. Give my over-two-year-old a pacifier.
But look at how PACIFIED she is! Even on a long train ride! Don't judge me, okay?
7. Allow my child to get really dirty and put his or her hands in food.
6. Neglect bug spray, sunscreen, hand sanitizer, daily baths, haircuts, and fingernail clippings.
5. Use bribery as a form of discipline.
"If you will be good in this really big and potentially boring museum, you can have M&Ms!!!"
4. Allow my children to eat noodles from a street vendor with questionable hygiene, and whose bathroom lacks any form of hand soap.
3. Let cheetos and ice cream count as a complete dinner.
2. Allow my kids to watch movies and tv shows that do NOT contain the words Einstein, Mozart, or Public Broadcasting in the title (for the record, I am anti-Baby Einstein. I won't go into it here, but all you need to know is I'm agin' it.)
1. Allow my kids to be exposed to guns in ANY form (water, BB, dart, etc.)
Being married to Mike, I sort of had to let this one go a LONG time ago. Now I am the best shot in the family.
So....now you know my dark secrets of parenting. You can judge me if you want, but you should know that I am a human, too. If you prick me, I bleed, my friend. I am NOT a monster! And if you judge me, you will soon be forced to resort to the same practice that you abhor in me.