Monday, January 9, 2012

Nursing Hallucinations

I am not one of those people who enjoy nursing their babies. I do it because a) the La Leche League has me scared witless (they have a pretty nasty goon squad), b) the hospital staff really push it on you and make you feel super guilty if you don't, c) it is easier and cheaper in a lot of ways, and d) because I can. Believe me, if it was at all hard or complicated, if a pump or a feeding tube had to be involved, if there were any special steps to take to make it work, I would NEVER do it.

So lately I've noticed that while I am nursing Wells ALL. NIGHT. LONG. I have been hallucinating about whatever TV show I have been watching. For a while, I literally believed that I was Jerry from Parks and Rec and everybody was tricking me into nursing Wells again and again. Then, I kept thinking that I was Randy from Say Yes to the Dress and every time I rolled over to change positions, I was offering a new dress to a very picky bride (my male infant). I keep pulling dress after dress off the rack but she (Wells) is not satisfied. And then, because I watched Sister Wives in its entirety this weekend, I hallucinated that I was Kody and I was running around, trying to pay equal attention to each of my four wives, who were really just my one male infant.

Then there are the times when I think my baby has been replaced by another baby. Like, somebody just slips their baby in there for me to feed since I'm already doing it CONSTANTLY. Wells is almost 7 weeks old. He wears size 3-6 months and shows no sign of stopping with the constant nursing.

So, what other shows can I watch to fuel my hallucinations? I have clearly been into ridiculous reality TV because it is never so engrossing that I can't turn it off to change a diaper or get a snack. I' love some suggestions.

Over and out.


  1. Other entertaining but non-engrossing shows/movies good for nursing (on Netflix):

    Drop Dead Diva
    Doc Martin
    You Again
    The Accidental Husband
    The Next Three Days
    How to Marry a Millionaire

  2. Try Dr. Who. Those hallucinations would be sweet.

  3. Well there's actually a scene in the office where pam is nursing someone else's baby in the hospital after giving birth. Sometimes I hallucinate that I'm still nursing david all night long! Then I wake up and. I AM!!!

  4. It's a good thing he's handsome and smart so he fits right in with this awesome little family.

  5. I spent a lot of middle of the night nursing hours watching BBC mini series--things like North and South and Wives and Daughters--but I agree that Doctor Who would make some fantastic hallucinations.

  6. Update: I had another hallucination during which I was Pam trying to nurse the seven babies Michael Scott had adopted and brought to the office. Thanks for all the tv show tips!