So I went to a BYU basketball game Saturday night. We got to sit in the the good Student Life Vice President seats--and everyone gave us suspicious looks, and asked to see our tickets. But as we were sitting down, to my horror, I noticed that sitting two rows directly in front of me was Matt, of "Plat for Matt" fame (see blog entitled "I've Arrived in 2005"). Any normal, well-adjusted person would have thought something like "hm. There's that guy I went to high school with. What was his name again?" But I, on the other hand, immediately panicked, thinking "he's read my blog. He knows everything! What will I do??" And THAT'S how blogocentric I have become: thinking that any ol' person I see on the street is a) reading my blog faithfully, and b) able to recognize me immediately. It just seemed like too much of a coincidence, seeing this fellow who I recently remembered in a blog at a basketball game with 12,000 other people. What are the chances??
It's lucky that I have Mike in times like these. He's someone I am not embarassed to be seen with. Plus, he's good at pretending that our life is perfect and that we are deliriously happy--which is the way I always want to appear when I see people I went to high school with (close friends excepted). I don't know what it is...I just NEED all those people to see that I've come a long way from Botany Club Vice President. It's like those interviews with famous people in magazines and on TV. They always say something like "I'm in a really good place right now." And you just know that they are protesting too much. (I especially hate it when people keep going on and on about how busy their lives are. They just never have time for TV, etc. I HATE that.) But when I see people from high school, I really want them to think that I am unbelievably beautiful, happy, and successful.
So for the entire game I felt that I had to yell out funny things to the coaches and refs, hold Mike's hand and stroke his face lovingly, and toss my hair around a lot. Deep down I know I am being ridiculous, that Matt didn't even see me, and that it doesn't really matter what anybody from high school thinks. But I can't control myself. It just comes out: "look at me, I'm having the best time in the world right now. Don't I seem better than I was in high school, despite the fact that you just read my blog about how much I used to have a crush on you and the ridiculous lengths I went to just to give you a ride home one time?" You'd think that years of graduate school, marriage, child-rearing, and college teaching would have purged any residual high school insecurity from me. But--surprise--it hasn't. When I see those people, I turn into a 16-year-old all over again. Only this time, I am a 16-year-old with a BLOG.