Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Places Where I Don't Belong

1. The Quarry or any other rock climbing place: no explanation necessary.

2. Hot Topic: I used to go in there all the time, but then I got married and had a kid, and, Kacy was right: strollers really don't fit in with leopard print lingerie and fishnets.

3. The posh Shops at Riverwoods: When the only thing you can afford is a spatula at Williams Sonoma, people look at you like they know....

4. Pet hospitals: I leaf through the lovingly-made scrapbooks full of cats named "Worthington III" and feel guilty about locking our cat, Headcheese, outside of my house all winter long.

5. Spas: I want to be a spa-attending person, I really, really do. But I feel so out of place there because of my split ends and my neglected eyebrows, and well, you've seen my legs.

6. Health Food Stores: they know I'm a fraud the moment I walk in, carrying my leather bag, chatting on my cell phone, fixing my makeup in a mirror, stepping on people's Birkentsock-clad toes with my spiked heels--I just exude all things synthetic.

7. The work room for all English Deparment faculty: people look at me like I'm a student and I don't belong there. Plus, I cower every time one of my old professors walks in and PRETENDS he/she doesn't know who I am. As if...

8. Nordstrom: unless it is the discount rack, I feel way out of place here. Unlike a place like Mervyns (where I totally fit in) the clothes are arranged according to designers' "collections." I just keep wandering around looking for the "misses" signs feeling under-dressed.

9. In the English part time faculty newsletter in which exceptional faculty, their teaching methods and recent publications, are highlighted (unless you count a blog as a major publication).

10. Ski resorts: no explanation necessary.

Places where I DO Belong:

1. Wal-Mart

2. Albertsons

3. Antique stores

4. Cozy Clothing

5. My couch

6. Shopko

7. Fast food restaurants

8. The internet

9. A cruise ship at the all-you-can-eat buffet

10. My bed, even more so when there's memory foam on it.


  1. Once I walked into a French clothing store and the saleslady took one look at me and told me she didn't have anything that would fit me. I hung my head, pivoted and left the building.

    I think the only way to overcome the spa discomfort is to go often. You better get on that.

  2. This is an amazing post and post idea. I will copy you... I hope that's okay.

    I identify with you on so many of these... but you'll see which ones when I completely rob you of your creative idea.

  3. Look what you've started, my dear...genius...pure genius.

    (Does flattery get me the rights to copy you, too??? You oh, so wonderful person, you...) ;)

  4. I want to join in the fun too. I am excited for everyone to do this. Anything to be part of the group.

  5. I got laughed out of shoe stores because my feet were too big for all those Chinese, custom-made-for-bound-feet shoes. I also had the humiliation of having my waist measured three times, with no luck to find a pair of jeans big enough to go over my thighs in the middle of the pearl market in Beijing. I know whatcha mean about not belonging. I'm just glad that Mike softened things a bit when he translated for old ladies on the street who were obviously saying things like "you are ugly, look at your skin. You need to put more ying in your life," etc. But thanks for saying I belong. I mean, that's what I am really trying to say, here.

  6. Carly, I'm gonna copy it too. I've got to, it's so fun!

  7. Favorite comment: "Do you REALLY have a cat named Headcheese? Where does HE belong?" That one made me laugh out loud.

    I love the concept as well, Carly. At first I thought, "Well, anyone could belong anywhere, theoretically," but then I rethought that. Burglars do not belong in my house, for example. Neither do "Fear Factor" or "The Swan," but those are a little different, I guess.

    At the risk of breaking any unwritten rules about addressing people other than the host blogger about a blog other than the host blogger's: Kacy, I caught a whiff of sarcasm when you mentioned Teen Spirit. In case you weren't being sarcastic, how do you like it?

    Final thought: How does one get more ying in one's life? I think I need some too.

  8. Shall we make it 15?? Let's make it 15...