Friday, May 13, 2005

Top Five Celebrities My Mother Is Attracted To

So the other day I was watching TV with my mother and she confessed that she has always found the Quaker Oats man "attractive." By "Quaker Oats Man" I do not mean Wilford Brimley, who was the wholesome spokesperson for the oats for quite a while in the eighties and nineties

(although I am pretty sure she finds him attractive, too). No, I am referring to the drawing of a Quaker in Colonial garb.

Which, apparently, is one of the oldest advertising characters still in use. This may not strike some of you as odd at all. In fact, the Quaker Oats man may be right up a lot of your mothers' allys. But it was a shock for me, considering my mother's celebrity attraction record. Once you see who is on her list of loves, you'll be shocked, too.

1. David Lee Roth

Backless pants, ripped shirts, mom loves it all.

2. Rod Stewart

She liked him best during his early eighties/late seventies period, which is evidenced by the time when she came into the house singing "If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy, come on baby let me know" in what were known as her "Lucky Britches."

3.Clint Eastwood

Is he not the complete opposite of the Quaker Oats man?

4. Tom Jones

She actually got a chance to see Tom in concert with my older sister. She also has a Tom Jones mousepad in her office that she probably puts away when Elder Eyring pops in for a visit.

5. Elvis Presley

Sure, a lot of moms love Elvis, but do they suspend certain house rules just so they can shake their hips to "Burning Love"? Do their daughters own 3-D Elvis Christmas tree ornaments that PLAY "Burning Love"? Not usually.

Where does the Quaker man fit in among all these bad boys?

I'm still trying to figure it out. All I know is this: my mother gives me some pretty great blog fodder (blodder, if you will) and I am just gonna keep on rollin' with it.


  1. Mom is a goldmine of blodder. She's so complex. I never knew about the Quaker Oats man. She's so Marge Simpson in every other respect. What an enigma.

  2. mmmm... this afinity for the Quaker man might have something to do with being warm and toasty inside on those cold and blustery winter days as a young child while savoring that pasty meal from the round box. You know comfort food. This feeling of goodness may very well have been misplaced attraction to the Trihat man.
    Or then again, there might just be something about a man in knickers!

  3. My eye doctor was David Lee Roth's father. I say "was" because he died a few years ago, plus I moved to Utah, so he wouldn't have been my eye doctor anymore anyway. I guess he's still David Lee Roth's father though.

    He was a nice guy. Almost every time I went in for a checkup he showed me pictures of D.L. and asked if I'd ever heard of Van Halen. I'm not sure what he died of.

  4. You need to add Elder "Ook-dorf" (no disrespect, I just don't know how to spell his name and I am actually too lazy at present to google it.) She's totally into him right now.

  5. Elder Uchtdorf is totally handsome. I have a little crush on him, actually. I think it's the accent and the silvery hair. And the handsome face.

  6. This morning at breakfast (after Matt and I read this post last night) I said, "Hey, look!" and pointed at the Quaker Oats man on my cereal box. Matt then said, "Yeah, it's that sexy Quaker Oats dude."

  7. Marcy: DENZEL! That is hilarious.
    Kacy: Uchtdorf added.
    Lizer: Any chance we could arrange for your former doctor to get his son out here to meet my mother?
    Robyn: I didn't know that Matt was attracted to the Quaker Oats man, too! I guess he has a cult following.

  8. I only wish I could.

    But Dr. Roth is dead.

    A new doctor is there now where Dr. Roth used to be, and my mom goes to him. Maybe she might be able to hook something up through those channels.

  9. I think Tom Jones and Rod Stewart are cute in a strange way. They would be like the guys I used to date just to see what it was like, but never settle down with.

    My favorite crush is a guy named Clark Johnson from Homicide.