Wut Can We Do To Git You In Sum Chikin Today?

I owe so much to Chick-fil-a, which has become my pregnancy food of choice (you won't find "fries and fried chicken nuggets" on the "Best Odds Diet," but at this point, I don't really give a dern). I seriously go there more than once a week. And I always get the same thing: "number five, twelve pack, no sauce, and a diet coke." Occasionally I step out of my comfort zone and value size my waffle fries and drink for just 39 cents extra, but other than that, I don't stray. Sometimes I am embarrassed because I always see the same mother/daughter team working in there. I usually comfort myself by imagining that they think I must work at the mall--somewhere posh like Nordstroms--and that I am just on my lunch break. Of course, in reality, I rolled out of bed, got in my car and drove all the way to the mall, parked far away, and walked all the way there just to get twelve nuggets and a pile of waffle fries. But I just can't get the same quality anywhere else! As a connoisseur of chicken, I must say that ol' Chick-fil-a is the cadillac of nuggets.

Wendy's comes in at a very distant second, and they will do in a pinch, particularly because they are on the 99 cent value menu.

KFC Popcorn chicken is also quite good, if not a waste when you could be getting extra crispy ANYTHING.

McDonalds Mcnuggets are sub-par, but with the invention of all white meat nuggets, they are getting better, and their fries can't be beat.

Burger King nuggets are hardly worth the trouble. Just order a hamburger with lettuce and tomato only (at least, that's what I have to do).

I have to stop here and explain why I have such a penchant for nuggets. It may seem quite childish to the uninitiated. But, you see, I have a deep, abiding, almost pathological HATRED of nearly all condiments. Ketchup, mustard, mayo, relish, pickles.....ew. They literally make me sick. You may be thinking that I am a grown-up and that I should be able to eat things that I don't like. Not so. Other food problems have been overcomeable. Not this. I used to hate lasagna, for instance, when I was growing up. Now I love it. No, condiments are just different. I prefer to think of this as not a pickiness issue, but rather a food disability. I am condimentally impaired. There's nothing I can do about it, so accomodate me, already! I cannot eat them in a house; I cannot eat them with a mouse... (and don't give me the "Sam I am" line of "have you tried them?" because I have. As recently as 1999 I had ketchup on a french fry and almost tossed my cookies. In '98 I had several bites of a subway sandwich laden with mayo and mustard). So, I turned to nuggets when presented with the awkward choice between ordering a "plain" hamburger and waiting for twenty minutes, and getting something without any strings attached. Ahhh, good old stringless chicken nuggets. Sauce is optional. So what if the people I am eating with think I am a child?

And, speaking of childish, the only thing I have against Chick-fil-a is the cows. I HATE the spokescows, who A) can't spell (and I KNOW that's the point, but it's creepy) and B) are yucky to look at and remind me every time I eat there that I am eating an animal, rather than a juicy nugget. Take a look at this traditional ad:

It is just yucky and primitive and upsetting.
But I usually can overlook the revolting ads (which, by the way, were stopped during the mad cow disease scare. Wasn't that sensitive and thoughtful? Don't you think that the cows in these ads actually look like they ARE mad?) and skip right to the "chikiny" goodness.

So, I hope you will join me on my next Chick fil a visit, which should be fairly soon (like tomorrow). Until next time...