Farewell, My Blogubines

Well, I am heading out for Oregon tomorrow and felt that my public should know why I will be blogless for the next three weeks or so. I'll be at the beach, where there is neither internet access nor a worldly care (other than wondering how I can make the most of my money at the outlet malls--no sales tax, all right!!!) When I return it will be a mad dash to pack my house and move to Tucson, where, incidentally, it was 108 degrees today.

While I am gone I will be wondering why my former CTR-8 Sunday school teacher still remembers me and chats kindly with me every time I visit him at work, aka visit the drive-through at Wendys. Perhaps it has less to do with the fact that I was a memorable 8-year-old and more to do with how much I frequent Wendys? The uniqueness of my chicken nuggets-only order? I may never know...

I'll also be trying to formulate a blog about the time I visited the batting cages and got hit by the slow softball...multiple times...in front of an entire little league team who was laughing at me. More information to come after two week long inspiration from being on the beach and being pelted by bird dung instead of softballs.

While I am gone I'll also be working on my book: "Pregnancy Fashion for Dummies." Am I qualified to write this book? Not really. Will I fake some designer credentials? Probably not. Will I force Carrie Ann to be a co-author to lend it some credibility? You bet. Will there be a section called "Don't Be Seduced By Jumpers"? Of course.

I may or may not attempt to eat as much chocolate silk pie as a human can while I am away.

I will also obtain a free Oregon Coast real estate booklet and spend most of my time salivating over the idea of living at the beach, which looks like this:


Holden will probably require a naked romp or two on the Pacific City shoreline, followed by a doritos binge, the aftermath of which generally looks like this:


I will require heavy sedation in order to willingly return home, only to move to Tucson (108, 108, 108).

My mother will probably come inside my house while I am away (most likely to do us a service or check on things, etc.), and she'll probably smell the unknown stinky smell that resides in our bedroom, which will drive her mad like it has been driving me mad for a week. Febreeze, Lysol, a box fan--nothing works! Why won't the smell go away?? Where is it coming from????

I'll be pondering the Batman/Spiderman condundrum and wishing that I didn't sound so eager to kiss either superhero in my comment on that blog. I'll also be wondering if Batman is less super, more hero. While Spiderman is more super, less hero. It depends on how you define the word "hero." In Readers Digest, there are all kinds of heroes who don't have any powers. But I would like to remind everyone that Peter Parker originally wants to use his super power to make money at wrestling matches. Who is the bigger hero now?

Mike will be relishing in the fact that he successfully (and quite confidently, if you ask me) defended his thesis. He'll also be in China with a list of things I want from the Pearl Market.

I will miss reading your blogs. And I will miss obsessing over the amount of readers who visit my blog, their IP addresses, their search terms ("Hawaii Stinky Feet Girl"?) and their comments (or lack thereof on occasion).

Have a good July...