Thursday, July 7, 2005

Farewell, My Blogubines

Well, I am heading out for Oregon tomorrow and felt that my public should know why I will be blogless for the next three weeks or so. I'll be at the beach, where there is neither internet access nor a worldly care (other than wondering how I can make the most of my money at the outlet malls--no sales tax, all right!!!) When I return it will be a mad dash to pack my house and move to Tucson, where, incidentally, it was 108 degrees today.

While I am gone I will be wondering why my former CTR-8 Sunday school teacher still remembers me and chats kindly with me every time I visit him at work, aka visit the drive-through at Wendys. Perhaps it has less to do with the fact that I was a memorable 8-year-old and more to do with how much I frequent Wendys? The uniqueness of my chicken nuggets-only order? I may never know...

I'll also be trying to formulate a blog about the time I visited the batting cages and got hit by the slow softball...multiple front of an entire little league team who was laughing at me. More information to come after two week long inspiration from being on the beach and being pelted by bird dung instead of softballs.

While I am gone I'll also be working on my book: "Pregnancy Fashion for Dummies." Am I qualified to write this book? Not really. Will I fake some designer credentials? Probably not. Will I force Carrie Ann to be a co-author to lend it some credibility? You bet. Will there be a section called "Don't Be Seduced By Jumpers"? Of course.

I may or may not attempt to eat as much chocolate silk pie as a human can while I am away.

I will also obtain a free Oregon Coast real estate booklet and spend most of my time salivating over the idea of living at the beach, which looks like this:

Holden will probably require a naked romp or two on the Pacific City shoreline, followed by a doritos binge, the aftermath of which generally looks like this:

I will require heavy sedation in order to willingly return home, only to move to Tucson (108, 108, 108).

My mother will probably come inside my house while I am away (most likely to do us a service or check on things, etc.), and she'll probably smell the unknown stinky smell that resides in our bedroom, which will drive her mad like it has been driving me mad for a week. Febreeze, Lysol, a box fan--nothing works! Why won't the smell go away?? Where is it coming from????

I'll be pondering the Batman/Spiderman condundrum and wishing that I didn't sound so eager to kiss either superhero in my comment on that blog. I'll also be wondering if Batman is less super, more hero. While Spiderman is more super, less hero. It depends on how you define the word "hero." In Readers Digest, there are all kinds of heroes who don't have any powers. But I would like to remind everyone that Peter Parker originally wants to use his super power to make money at wrestling matches. Who is the bigger hero now?

Mike will be relishing in the fact that he successfully (and quite confidently, if you ask me) defended his thesis. He'll also be in China with a list of things I want from the Pearl Market.

I will miss reading your blogs. And I will miss obsessing over the amount of readers who visit my blog, their IP addresses, their search terms ("Hawaii Stinky Feet Girl"?) and their comments (or lack thereof on occasion).

Have a good July...


  1. 3 weeks will seem like a long time. So will the three year it takes Mike to get his PhD. I wish we'd eaten more pizz before you left. Then again, I don't know if that would have been possible. Excellent Peter Parker point. Excellent.

  2. That's "pizza," but pizz is a catchy nickname also.

  3. 3 WEEKS on the coast! How lucky you are! I just spent 1.5 days on the Oregon coast and it was pure heaven (see my blog for pics). Too bad for you it is starting to rain...again... :(

  4. wow...three weeks on the coast. NICE!

    I feel bummed that your gone already and I had no chance to sneak in any luggage....

  5. People get to actually go places for more then four days at a time? I had no idea this was even a possibility... oh envious am I.

  6. Have a wonderful trip! And definitely get that book started. I'll need a lot of help!

  7. Roses are red
    I hope you have fun
    I'll be missing you
    Until you are done.

    Roses are red
    I finally came back
    And now you're gone
    My days are black.

    Roses are red
    I wish you had been
    at Elvis's house
    with us at 3:10.

  8. Is it bad blog form to comment on a post you made back in May if I just discovered your highly entertaining writing and I happened to live in Tucson for 3 years while my husband went to grad school at U of A? I don't know the proper ettiquette here. Anyway, it's still relevant.

    I LOVE Tucson! Granted, I grew up in Phoenix and Provo seemed like a foreign country to me when I went there for school. But most people from Phoenix don't like Tucson and people from Tucson don't like Phoenix. Somehow my husband and I were able to cross that divide and we miss living there, Junque for Jesus billboards notwithstanding. I don't know you, but I really, really want you to love Tucson, too. Some tips:

    Eat at J-Bar at the Westin La Paloma, La Parilla Suiza, Cafe Poca Cosa, Mi Nidito (where President Clinton piggishly ate one of everything on the menu), North (do they have that in Utah?), Firecracker. Get groceries at Bashas', where they watch your kids for free, or AJ's Fine Foods or Trader Joe's, or Costco. Shop at Tucson Mall (it's so great) and La Encantada and not so much at Foothills Mall. Live in Countryside Ward in Tucson North Stake, although I guess the church is true wherever you go. Visit the Sonoran Desert Museum. No, really, do...on a cooler day. A three-year-old boy and out of town guests would really go for that. Also go to the Tucson Children's Museum; library storytime at the library on Ina and Shannon; San Xavier del Bac; the great, small, accessible-to-the-animals Tucson Zoo; Sabino Canyon; and for a drive to the top of Mount Lemmon (you get your cactus forest and real forest in one swoop). Relish the beautiful thunderstorms and sunsets, the smell of creosote after it has rained, and star-watching in the very dark skies (no street lights, so be careful going out at night). Take advantage of U of A's awesome gym (or so I hear!), and the general casual-ness of Arizona that means you don't have to get all bronzed up to go out to dinner. (Sidenote: I went to jury duty and 80% of the people were wearing jeans/shorts. Sometimes they carry it a little too far.)

    There are definitely more freaks in Tucson than you find on your average day in Provo, but even that is something to embrace: not everyone dresses the same!

    Apparently from the length of this comment I should just get my own blog. But good luck. I'm all choked up about my old stomping grounds.

  9. Emily,
    You have made my day. Maybe things will be okay in Tucson, afterall. Thanks for the good info!