Tuesday, August 30, 2005

My Issues With Walmart

I have some issues with Walmart. Of course I have many MORAL and POLITICAL issues with Walmart, but I will not bring those up here. No, the issues I would like to put "out there" comprise two major areas of the store: the little girls' clothing area and the meat section.

When I first heard that Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen were designing their own line of clothing, and that it would be sold at Walmart, I thought I had hit the jack pot. You see, in the last 5 years or so I have developed a real love for MK and A. I wasn't always such an ardent fan: in their "Full House" days I thought they were overrated and I much preferred overlooked-middle-child Stephanie (how short-sighted I was). But when I lived in China, MK and A were all I had some days. I would stay up late while Mike worked the night shift and watch "Passport to Paris" on HBO. Gosh, they had such great hair. Gosh, their clothes were so cute. They were truly an inspiration to me on lonely Chinese nights. They have been among my style gurus ever since. So what if they are 8 years younger than me? (Side note: recently I have been disappointed with MK, who I always preferred slightly to A. She really does look like an orange on a toothpick, and those huge sunglasses aren't helping her cause). So when I found out about their clothing line, I was excited. I searched the Rexburg Walmart for their label almost daily (not much else to do in Rexburg). Well, come to find out, their clothes are for LITTLE GIRLS, as opposed to women in their late twenties/early thirties! Of course I thought they would be more geared towards the teenagers, but I figured I might be able to get away with it. But I just can't FIT into a child's size five! Now I walk by the girls clothing department, wistfully looking at all the MK and A Olsen clothes that I would TOTALLY wear if they were just 10-15 times bigger. Stupid Walmart!


My other problem with Walmart is their ground beef. Now, before I go into detail, I must first explain that I am not at all squeamish about raw meat. I can touch it, pound it, grab it, squeeze it between my fingers, etc. In fact, I like raw meat, not to eat, but somehow I find it appealing. I would drape myself in raw meat, if it were socially acceptable. So this is a serious issue if it is coming from someone who once referred to herself as "the queen of meat." But, have you SEEN the Walmart ground beef? I think my problem with it is that it's too tidy: you can see the rows of skinny, ground up beef clearly through the taut plastic. It's not like in other stores, where the plastic is right up against the meat, making those perfect ramen-noodle-esque rows of ground beef merge into a large chunk. No. This ground beef is TOO perfect, if you know what I mean. I can't even walk by it when I'm in the store. And I REALLY can't buy it. The other day I was desperate for some ground beef--I really was--and I happened to be in Walmart. So I bolted over to the meat section, closed my eyes, and grabbed some ground chuck (getting chuck somehow made me feel better about the whole thing). Then I threw it in the cart and quickly covered it with some grey yoga pants. When I came home, I had to face the music and divide it up into 1 lb sections to freeze. THAT was hard. Surely Walmart believes that their ground meat looks really appealing, which is why they go to great lengths to display it in those rows of what looks like thick, meat-colored hair. But it is gross and upsetting. If you don't believe me, go look for yourself at a Walmart near you, which surely MUST be near any of you, because Walmart is taking over our world, one pound of ground beef at a time.

18 comments:

  1. I wish I could see this meat. Unfortunately, I have to drive at least a half an hour to get to the nearest Wal-Mart.

    If you will drape yourself in meat, I will, too. WATS.

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  2. Dear Marcy,
    If you like to be grossed out a whole bunch, then the drive to Walmart would be well worth your while.

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  3. Well, I do like to be grossed out a whole bunch. I'm off to buy some WalMart meat and then headed home to watch my "World's Largest Tumor" video. See ya.

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  4. Mary-Kate Olson shops at Target. Or at least she did shop at the Orem Target when she was in Orem for rehab. The employees were all abuzz about it.

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  5. Note to self: find out what section Mary Kate Olsen shopped in next time you are in Orem Target...She probably DOES wear a child's size 5.

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  6. You are right--it looks like meat-colored uncooked ramen noodles. I hate it. Is that supposed to imply fresh out of the grinder? Because it does not appeal.

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  7. Please, no more posts about Walmart. I hate Walmart more than I care to go into right now. Let's just say that if it were not the only place to find the stuff I flush down my toilet once a month to keep my septic tank all fresh and "clean" I would never set a foot in that store.

    Why, you ask, do I actually live in a place that I have a septic tank buried in my back yard and live on well water? Is this the 17th century? Oh, no it is just "how they do it" here in good ol' NC.

    Back on point, thankfully our Walmart is not a Super Walmart (or whatever they are called). I have not experienced the look of their ground beef, and if I have any control over the matter, I never will. I will just keep buying my ground beef at Costco!

    P.S. I always liked Kimmie Gibler!

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  8. I have issues with Walmart too, good thing Jacob hates car rides so bad and our Wal-Mart is also a half hour away. I am saved from suffering through any debates (moral, political or meat induced) about going.

    I have never seen the Wal-Mart meat, but it sounds gross. Maybe when Jacob's 3 I'll go take a look!

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  9. 1. What’s up with making every price end in “84”? $22.84, $36.84, $5.84. I don't like it.

    2. The reason nobody liked Stephanie: “How rude.” It haunts me to this day.

    3. In college I had an Olsen Twins poster on my door as well as a framed picture of them I cut out of a magazine. That’s weird, I know. Don’t worry, they’re gone now.

    4. Although I cherish the O.T.s and their look (minus the anorexia), I’ll take Mossimo, Isaac Mizrahi, Cynthia Rowley, etc. any day.

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  10. Lizer: Did you know that at TARGET on the clearance items (usually found on the end of certain rows with the red clearance tags), they will keep marking them down until the last digit is a 4, like 11.94? That means it's as low as it's gonna go. Just a little FYI.

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  11. Target, Target, Target, Target, Target, Costco, Target, Target

    It was really creepy when that Wal-Mart on La Cholla was built. All of a sudden there were all these PEOPLE that came out of nowhere to habitate that store at all hours of the day. Old people, young people. Where did they all come from? What did they find at Wal-Mart that was so amazing that they had to be there all the time? The intrigue of that store still totally eludes me. I do not get it, one bit. The employees never speak English and they don't know where to find anything, the aisles are always filthy, and I feel like I'm being manipulated with the .84 endings. Now that the meat concern has been articulated, I will have all the more reason to Never Set Foot In A Wal-Mart Again (I say that everytime I go there.)

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  12. Target smells better, too.

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  13. I can deal when clearance items have weird cents, but Wal-Mart does it to everything. And it's always .84. As Emily said, it's to manipulate us. What's the matter with 99 cents, anyway? For that matter, what's the matter with an even dollar, but that's not going to happen, I guess. I'm not an economist or anything, so I don't really know what I'm talking about, I just like finding things to hate about Wal-Mart.

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  14. Jesse's cute wife, Becky, is married in real life to Mossimo (of Target). Isn't that interesting? So really when you are choosing between Walmart and Target you are choosing between Michelle (MK and A) and Nicky and Alexander (Jesse and Becky's twins). Just to complicate things further.

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  15. Woah. That does complicate things a bit. Luckily it is easy to choose Target over Walmart because Target doesn't suck.

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  16. Carly,
    You are the most wonderful women in the world!

    Check your email.

    Michael

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  17. Just today at the very same rexburg walmart, my wife bought a wreath and it contained Termites! After she designed the outside she didn't want to take it back, but if someone can prove their house infestation was a result of these termites, i think Wal-Mart could be up for a lawsuit

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  18. I don't recall buying anything from wal-mart that has lasted more than a year of normal use.
    My record: 30 seconds, a 1 dollar toilet brush once it touched the bowl snapped off the end of the brush handle. Who brings a poop-encrusted toilet brush back to walmart for a return. Next time I'm going to.

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