9. Roads practically deserted after 4 pm "early bird special" rush.
8. Home Owners Association politics more intense than the 2004 presidential election.
7. Ambulance call buttons in every bathroom.
6. Mysterious rules like "Rocks in yard not to exceed size of Gladys Stum's goiter" keep us on our toes.
5. Discounted hip replacement surgery with proof of residence.
4. Pool practically deserted during non-"adult-only" hours--except for the life-sustaining cocoons and friendly, life-sustaining aliens:
3. Pick-up games of bridge, backgammon, and mah jong.
2. Hardest drug pushed in the neighborhood is Saw Palmetto
1. Sign a twelve month lease, get a free pace maker!
#7 is true! I hit it by accident one day thinking it was the fan button.
ReplyDeleteI was receiving CPR before I had time to flush!
I live in a community that was built as a retirement community and only started letter people under 60 move in. We have all the handrails in the bathroom, etc.
ReplyDeleteYou were SO SO right on w/ the homeowners politics. We are embroiled in a few situations right now. Mostly because of my kids. I guess the neighbors think that they shouldn't cry, ride a bike, be outside or make noise.....
At least ya won't get old and ya won't ever die! So funny.
ReplyDeleteI'm moving in lock stock and barrel. I'm gonna be in the pool. . . I'm gonna be in the clubhouse!
This list is hilarious...them aliens. So funny. And just so you know, in my parent's Smithsonian magazine there are LOTS of old people ads, including an ad for a "magnum" hip. I wonder when they'll have the blue steel hip or the el tigre hip.
ReplyDeleteITL. Great post, listgirl. That pacemaker could come in handy if you are still having heart attacks like we used to have in the RB.
ReplyDeleteI remember reading that you hate condiments--I don't like them much myself--so if you want to be thoroughly disgusted, and who doesn't?, there's a blog entry you can read. It's at singlepot.blogspot.com. Maybe you know him. Looks like he's from Provo. Anyway, prepare to be grossed out, in a big way.
ReplyDeleteLooks like Dave, the Saw Palmetto pusher of the family would feel right at home!!
ReplyDelete