Jennipher at Toni and Guy: I Love You

No, folks, that's not a type-o. That really is how Jennipher spells her name. I didn't know until I got home and saw her card. Sweet Jennipher....
I got a haircut last night and I am so happy. I feel like a real person again. Did you know that they cut ten + inches of hair off my head? That's enough to donate to locks of love, or whatever it's called (uh oh, now I'll have THEM after me). I can't believe I ever became one of those people with ten inch long hair! It's not a bad thing, only just SO not me. Anyway, I am not going to go on and on about my hair. Because we all know how boring that is, right Marcy Dibbleblotts? (wink, wink).

What I want to discuss is hair SALONS. Because they cause a lot of anxiety in me. And they are not boring at all.

First of all, there's the problem of having to sit there and look in the mirror while people watch you look in the mirror. I have a hard time looking in the mirror when someone is watching. In bathrooms I'll avoid the mirror completely unless all the stalls are abandoned. You can imagine the anxiety I feel when I have to stare at myself with wet, slicked back hair while someone dressed all in black with really cool hair and shoes looks on. So, usually I just look down, but that presents another problem:

I look like I'm either a) asleep, or b) so upset by the job they're doing that I can't even look at it. Also, I never know what to do with my mouth. I try to have a pleasant look on my face, but my lips seem to naturally fall into a frown, which also makes it look like I'm hating my haircut.

I solve the aforementioned problems by always wearing my glasses to the salon. I take them off, and I can't see a thing; thus, I don't mind looking in the mirror. I can't see myself, anyway. It can present a problem when they ask me what length my bangs should be cut, but that's the breaks. Also, glasses can really add to the nerdy feeling you get when you first walk into a salon where evabody has great hair and really trendy music is playing and someone offers you "water or coffee" and instead of a cape they let you wear a fancy robe. But oh well.

Another issue I have is the talking. I have a really hard time with the chit chat thing and usually just end up not saying anything, which makes the downcast eyes and frown much more difficult to explain away. I always start with the usual "so, how long have you worked here?" We discuss where we are from, I throw out an anecdote about cutting my three-year-old's hair, and then....nothing. Last night was no different, despite the fact that I thought Jennipher was really cool and nice. I think part of the reason why I don't talk is that I feel like a loser in hair salons.

Think about it: you walk into a place where everyone looks better than you and everyone is wearing a sleek outfit. You are wearing your husband's jeans that are frayed at the bottom and a "Where the Wild Things Are" T shirt from Target. Your shoes COULD be funky, but really they just look ridiculous and age inappropriate because they are platform tennis shoes. Your hair is unbrushed (because you can't bare to even touch it after you get out of the shower) and you are wearing glasses and no makeup and your bangs are flayed out. Is this NOT a scenario in which you might feel just slightly like a loser? Masters degree in English be hanged...the coolest people are the ones who work in hair salons.

I kept Jennipher's card and I'm going back. And I will tell others to go to her, too. But next time I will have to buy a new outfit before I go.

PS we are donating the hair to lock of love and I fully support everything they stand for.