Tuesday, December 6, 2005

Eating a 1/2 Pound of Chocolate in One Day: A Good Idea for Weight Loss and Self Esteem?

As if the jerks at "What to Expect When You're Expecting" didn't make me feel bad enough when they wrote that "delivery won't make thighs and hips thickened by overindulgence during pregnancy magically disappear," I now find myself plunging into a spiral of shame and lies. And by "spiral of shame and lies" I mean "being too ashamed to tell the truth to the girl in the Old Navy dressing room, so lying that the jeans 'worked out great' when really I had to put them back and get a bigger size."
And then I eat a whole Hershey bar in one day--I HATE when that happens!

Then Holden makes me look like a bad mom when he refuses to pay his tithing to the bishop during tithing settlement. "In a year or two," the bishop told him, "you'll be mature enough to understand what it means to pay tithing." "In a year or two," thought Holden, "I'm moving to Australia." Then, turning to us, the bishop went on: "and in the meantime your parents will teach you about why it's important to pay tithing." Unfortunately, Holden was not the only one who was secretly saying "not bloody likely." (Hehehe, that Mike! He's so rebellious...). To add insult to injury, we were then informed that this kind of thing "has never happened" to our Bishop before. Surely he was joking? I have a hard time believing that there has never been a three year old who didn't want to pay his tithing. That one kid in the ward with the unibrow looks pretty stingy...

Though Holden did finally put his 55 cents into the envelope (after refusing to shake the bishop's hand, even for candy!), he wanted it back immediately when we got home. "I want to throw it away," he yelled. I guess he would rather have thrown it in the trash than contribute to the church. Youch. You have to admit it, though: that boy's got moxy. It makes me wonder. Will he be our token rebellious child, or will this be one of those hilarious personal stories told over the pulpit at General Conference?

Only time, and some well placed family home evenings, will tell.

And, as a final blow: bless his heart, Mike said the following things to me all on the same day (and it was Sunday, the day when I usually have a breakdown over nylons and skirts and hair):

"Then stop eating Kit Kats."
"Did you serve Top Ramen at the ward break the fast dinner?"
and my favorite,
"Yeah, a person really DOES have to be pretty to wear really short hair!"

Now, the correct statements were
"You don't need to lose weight, you look great!"
"I bet the ward loved your your delicious cooking at the break the fast dinner"
"But you ARE pretty enough to have really short hair!"

Ahhh, Mike.

It makes me wonder: is he really just so full of honesty and integrity that he cannot tell a lie, or was he just not paying attention when I baited him with these comments? Only time, and many more loaded questions, will tell.

T minus 7 days till we fly to Provo. Obviously we are all going a little crazy here in Arizona.


  1. Carly, you don't need to lose weight. You look great! (I can tell from your post-delivery pic in the hospital--no puffy cheeks!) You are definitely pretty enough to have short hair. And, DID you serve Top Ramen at the ward break the fast?!?

  2. I agree with Emily. No need to be in a spiral of shame and lies. From the pics I saw you look fabulous.

    That line in What to Expect is so harsh! I mean, come on! Who doesn't want, for example, 2 or 10 ice cream sandwiches a day during her pregnancy? To say nothing of straight chocolate! It has unfortunately run through my brain a lot lately.

    I say get ready to share Holden's story over the pulpit by preparing your general authority name. Matt's (first and middle name Matthew LeGrand), for a very good example, is M. LeGrand. Mine would be the less splashy Robyn G. Just find the best way to use your initials to have a name that fits the part.

    It's almost as fun as finding funny names to call to the office. "Frank Furter, please come to the office, Frank Furter..."

  3. It does seem like all the unintended insults come on the same day. And usually on a bad day.

    You look great with short hair, bellasnella. Keep cookin' on the Kit Kats. (Try the British ones, they are even better.)

    See you soon in Provo :)

  4. It is hereditary. The things said in one day. Regretfully I do the same thing. I think it comes about with a slightly irritated and brutally honest mood.

    Don't worry we had to threaten Clay with no more allowance if he didn't pay his tithing. He paid and felt good afterwards.

    You are pretty! Don't be so hard on yourself. DMP

  5. I think I've said it before, but I'll say it again as I open a Diet Coke and munch on my Snickers--exercise is overrated!! I feel you're pain, Carly. It's hard to be a size 2 after so many years at a 0. I have confidence that you look great though. As for the short hair, you are one of the few people who look great no matter their hair length! As for the comments by the male Paul that you live with...it's my experience that being tactful isn't a strong point. I also don't take any fashion advice from him either! T minus 10 days to U-2!!! Have fun!

  6. HA HA! All of you fell into my trap to get more compliments. Yes...I've still go it. As for Mike, don't judge him too harshly. 99.9% of the time, I admire and appreciate his honesty. Anf frankly, any woman who tries to bait her husband deserves to get the truth.

  7. It would never surprise me if you served Top Ramen at a break the fast. I have confidence that you would make it a truly unique experience. :)

    Dave agreed with me yesterday when I said that I have "popped". He said, "Before now you couldn't even tell you were pregnant - just looking heavier............unless you knew that you were pregnant and then you looked pregnant." I'm still trying to figure out what to say in response.

    Even if you keep eating kit kats, you'll always be skinnier than me. So I'll probably only encourage you in that area, being the shallow person that I am. :)

  8. Hey Carly!

    Just a couple of things:
    -You are lovely to look at. Really. We should all be so lucky. I say eat up!

    -Because you are so lovely (see above), all insensitive comments should be ignored and/or filed under "his problem." (We all have to have tiny imperfections, right? Right?)

    -I think that my mother has done a great--or at least fairly good--parental job, but I still have a hard time paying tithing. Shocking, I know. So don't blame yourself. But do take credit when Holden becomes a General Authority, of course.

  9. Those stupid baby/pregnancy/child rearing books are all lies and insults. Shun them for the garbage they are! I remember years ago when Paul and I were going through all the infertility garbage a friend lent me some books on infertility. (As if a book will have the answer....) Anyway, these books (like the one you mentioned) can turn any normal person into someone with severe paranoia. At one point, due to these books, I was blaimimg the microwave, the computer, and bananas for our infertility. So now when others ask me how I got through that phase of life I am brutally honest: throw away the books. Don't read them at all. They're all written by liars! I say the same to you. Throw away the books and eat more kit kats. Why not? Life is short. Ah, I feel better now....

    Oh, and the real solution to infertility? Adoption! Yea baby! I can eat all the kit kats I want and still wear my jeans the day the baby comes home! Sweet justice.