Happy birthday! I hope you realize that when I introduced you to your wife, I gave you the gift that keeps on giving. I figure I don't need to send you a present for at least ten more years. Nevertheless, this is a shout-out for you on your special day. We are thinking of you and your awesome steak-making abilities, dissertation-writing skillz, and hilarious anecdote-telling capacity. I'll never forget the story of Neil making the computer voice sing all the lyrics to "Philadelphia" by Bruce Springsteen. I'll never forget when you said "I like it because it is sophisticated" when you were drinking Sam's Choice cola. I'll never forget all those phone calls we had when you were trying to find Marcy Dibbleblotts the perfect engagement ring. And you DID find it, Neil. You sure did. If I were to get you a gift, I would probably get you something like this:
But I hear you already got some. So, Happy Birthday, cuz. We are thinking of you today.
Now, while we are on the subject of birthdays.....it happens to be MINE in just a few days--5 to be exact, but who's counting? I got over my birthday when I hit 25. I mean, who cares anymore, right? I don't need anything special done for me. I don't need such things as:
1. A steak dinner at Ruby River
2. A long, black, charcoal gray, or chocolate brown cable knit hooded sweater with a belt
3. A wallet/organizer (www.fliofax.com)
4. A fashionable trench coat
5. A cash prize
6. A massage
7. A facial and haircut
8. A pair of knee high boots
9. A leather biker jacket
10. The newest White Stripes album
11. Tim Gunn's Guide to Quality, Taste, and Style
12. A red or yellow dutch oven from Le Crueset (or equivalent)
13. My own bb gun
14. Some tater mitts
15. A garlic press
16. A kitchen mandolin
Who needs these things? Not me! And I definitely do NOT need pretty jewelry. No sir.
I'm glad you don't need these things. That is why I am returning the hooded sweater and making a donation in your name to the Heifer fund.
ReplyDeleteOh, I forgot to mention that I also don't need anyone to make donations in my name to such funds as: Heifer.
ReplyDeleteI'm also glad that you don't need anything on the above mentioned list. It means you definitely need what I got you.
ReplyDeleteOh, I am glad you don't need a gift. But perhaps a homemade card and five bucks for 4 Arby's sandwiches? (I really miss 5 for 5.)
ReplyDeleteI never need jewelry either, not for christmas or my birthday or any other day in between. You know what's the best part? I never get it. It's nice to be such an unmaterialistic person Carly, I commend you.
ReplyDeleteThat's a good attitude, Ginna. If you never expect it and pretend not to need it, you won't be broken hearted when the pretty jewelry never shows up. I commend YOU.
ReplyDeleteHoss, you are one nice cuz! This post was a birthday highlight for sure. I'm proud to count you as a fellow Virgo. I hope I get a chance to cook you and Mike up some more steaks sometime soon. I trust you'll be eating one on your birthday? Upgrade your order a few ounces for me, since I didn't get my birthday steak yesterday. (Although it's not too late, right? I think I'll get a steak on Friday in honor of both our birthdays).
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you don't want tater mitts. They suck rocks.
ReplyDeleteYeah, it doesn't work. I still want it. But I like to pretend sometimes that I'm more grown-up than that. That doesn't work either.
ReplyDeleteI love Tim Gunn. I'd marry him if he weren't gay, or if I were a man, or if we lived in the same place and were remotely similar in age and height.
ReplyDeleteThere are so any stumbling blocks in our love for Tim.
ReplyDeleteYou want a BB gun? Man, I had a feeling you were cool.
ReplyDeleteGood luck getting what you want. I hope your entire list comes to be.