Monday, July 21, 2008

School Day Fantasies

The following are the most frequent fantasies I had in grades K-12.

10. While in line to go inside after recess, I suddenly faint. The person I have a crush on, throwing decorum to the wind, rushes to my side to be sure I am all right.

9. During a test I come down with accute appendicitis, and/or collapse with exhaustion, and am rushed to the hospital. The person I have a crush on, throwing decorum to the wind, rushes to my side and rides in the ambulance with me, alternately holding and kissing my lifeless hand.

8. I win "Student of the Year" at Grandview Elementary! (This never happened, to my bitter disappointment).

7. In order to shake things up a little, I decide to sing a solo for my 5th grade book report, to rave reviews. The person I have a crush on, in a very revealing moment, is the only person to give a standing ovation.

6. I receive a carnation on Valentines Day at Provo High--from a MALE, not from a well-meaning female friend.

5. My idea to do a Kangaroo Court for the teachers at Dixon Middle School is such a raging success that every person in the school wants to thank me personally.

4. I play the lead in the high school musical (sadly, I didn't even make it into the CHORUS of the musical I tried out for).

3. I rip the coveted Bausch and Lomb scholarship from the clutches of the Collings family, breaking their multi-generational monopoly on smartness.

2. A large bouquet of roses is delivered to me, red with embarrassment, in the middle of choir/English/biology class.

1. My foreign exchange student boyfriend--usually from Italy, yet who looks surprisingly like Rattle and Hum-era Bono--shocks the world by giving me a kiss while we are walking down Main Hall together, en route to get some seriously good fried chicken at Hardees (the fried chicken at Hardees is the only part of this fantasy that I actually experienced....and on a regular basis).


  1. I still hope for most of those things (o:

    Actually, I broke up with my fiancee three weeks before I went in the MTC and the entire time I was there I was convinced he'd come rushing in to convince me not to go (he didn't. He eloped the day I had my farewell. Jerk).

    If only. (o:

  2. Interesting. I wonder what Holden's will be. My guess is that the top nine will have jeep somewhere in the sentence.

  3. You're funny Carly. BTW, I heard you broke a tree off while playing on it in grade school. Maybe you could tell us about it.

  4. I DID break a tree--although it doesn't matter now that they have maliciously torn down Grandview. And, sadly, the person I had a crush on did NOT rush to my side when I got sent to the principal's office for damaging school property.

  5. At least Hardees came through for you.

  6. I should have paid the big bucks for one of those bad boys for you, just because. I was just, as the layperson says, cheap and socially inept. I'll get you a yellow one next V-day if you want.

  7. I am reading this hilar post at 4:55pm and, having thrown decorum to the wind, I am still in my pjs.

    Sorry about your carnation. In high school I got roses from a secret admirer. Then I got a nun I knew to call the florist to find out who sent them. She had to pretend to be my outraged mother to get them to reveal that it was actually my mom who sent them. Then I was sad as well as embarrassed in front of the liar-nun.

  8. I have to admit I had that same fantasy about the carnation. Getting it from somebody besides my sweet younger brother!
    Those were the days.
    Did you do that crazy match-up thing junior year where they matched you with guys? What was that even?

  9. That match up thing was really disturbing. I thought my entire future was doomed because I made the mistake of saying I would rather be a TV than a refrigerator in answer to the "which appliance would you be?" question.

  10. I actually loved the match up thing because it matched me with a couple of guys I really liked. It was stupid though because they still weren't at all interested. I mean, duh.

  11. I absolutely don't remember the match up thing. It probably was blocked from my mind for one of two reasons:
    1) I was matched with someone who I absolutely didn't care about
    2) It didn't match me with Alisa Gamette (is that how it was spelled? I don't even remember anymore).

  12. So, should I apologize profusely for the whole Bausch and Lomb thing, or be excited that I made your top ten fantasies...

    Ooh! That did NOT sound right!

    My only memory from school that relates to flowers was when the guy I had a crush on came to visit me at the flower shop I worked at (fulfilling one of my fantasies) and then bought a dozen roses...for someone else!

    (I actually told this story a couple weeks ago at a friend's when we were trying to think about terrible things to have happen in high school. The doorbell rang a few minutes later and it was this boy's father. Very strange.)

  13. And it wasn't actually a scholarship---it just allowed you to APPLY for one that would pay less than half of your tuition at the University of Rochester. So it really wasn't that great...

  14. I was hoping to get a comment from Jenilyn! I am over the Bausch and
    Lomb thing. In fact, I didn't really know it existed until they announced the winner. That's sad about the roses. It's a good thing there is life after high school!

  15. I held on tight to that appendicitis one for a long time. Actuallly, I'm still hopin'! Maybe Matt will find me covered in kids and clutching my right side.

    I miss that fried chicken.

  16. Appendicitis is only worth it if they let you stay in the hospital for a long time. My nurses FORCED me to get up and walk around just hours after my surgery, and then they made me go home later that day. What a waste of a good appendectomy!

  17. If the boy(s) we had crushes on ever knew how much we fantasized about them just BEING NICE to us, I think they whole world would collapse.

  18. I like the word decorum. It is definately under appreciated.

    This is all too funny. It's nice to have you writing again!