Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Birth Plan

It seems very important to people these days to write up a detailed birth plan. I guess it could be a real disaster if things aren't written down and you forget what your birth music is. I mean, how can you give birth to a baby without a soft lullaby playing in the background??? Also, if you don't write these things down, you might forget to bring your tiara. I'm just saying, like, sometimes if you are in labor and suffering a lot and trying to pack up for the hospital, you might neglect a tiara. You could also forget the fondu fountain, champagne/sparkling cider, or felt banner that says "welcome baby." Better safe than sorry: write it down. Furthermore, if you aren't careful, you could forget to wear your sexy camisole/handmade hospital gown/spaghetti strap body-shaper slip. And THEN what the heck are you going to do? Not wear a--gasp--hospital gown?! What are you, a barbarian?

Of course, this is all assuming you plan to go to the hospital at all. Still, even if you are staying home, you need a plan in place. What if you lose your mind because of the pain, and you neglect to fill the birthing tub in time?? If it's not written down, believe me, your sweetheart may not remember it, and then it might be 106 degrees instead of the usual 98.6! And if you choose not to use a tub, you need to know where you'll be squatting and how your hubby will be positioned to catch the baby. Will you use a stool? Bricks? A bed? How about the kitchen table? This is important stuff.

And forget about scheduling childcare if you have other children--have you booked that professional photographer yet? And if he is busy, do you have another one lined up as a back-up? And have you written out a list of photos you want? What is your policy on crotch-shots? How many photos of yourself in agonizing pain will be sufficient, and how many are too many? If you don't know this yet, you need to figure it out, because this is the stuff that matters. Who will write down the play-by-play so you can blog about it later? Who will make sure you have makeup and hair done for all the after-the-delivery photos?

I guess I can see why people need to have such clearly-articulated birth plans. Otherwise, how can you possibly make it the experience you want it to be--i.e., one that is totally all about you?

I'd better get cracking right now. The last thing I want is to be lying in a hospital bed, pain free, comfortable, wearing a hospital gown, with an IV sticking out of my hand, and surrounded by medical professionals who know what they are doing!

P.S. do you think a lacy half tee would look okay under a hospital gown, just in case I don't get my own gown sewn in time?


  1. You need to get your birth done in time so it can be letter-pressed. Usually 2-4 weeks! (Just a tip.)

  2. I'm sensing sarcasm. Good luck! You are a great Mom.

  3. My birth plan has always been quite complicated.....get to the hospital in time to get my epidural, and then do whatever the doc and nurses tell me to do. And hey, I look darn sexy in a hospital gown.

  4. Those blogs make my skin hurtNovember 15, 2011 at 8:35 PM

    I say only do the half tee if you are shilling it on your blog or twitter. You know... the marketing equivalent of " if a tree falls ....". Also, the photographer is ok, but only if he is also doing your monthly profile portrait. Or if his wife is ghost writing your book.

    Honestly. Don't you know anything? ;-) And be sure to talk about how doing anything but a home birth where you don't mind if the baby is weeks late is a cop out -- or at least not what God wants you to do ( don't forget to link to your church).

    Shudder. Off to eat my comped lunch that was named after me.

  5. Your realism in fairy blogland is like a breath of fresh air!

  6. Also, you can't forget the pregnancy photos right before the baby is born. Awkward Family Photos has some lovely suggestions to preserve that moment.

    Good luck with your birth plan!

  7. Yet another area of photography that I haven't tried (cough, cough...*refuse to do*). Unless of course you'd like to be my first client. I'd hop on a plane for you.

  8. When I found your blog 4 years ago I really thought we were meant to live in the same ward where we could make snarky comments from the back row of RS together. After reading several of your posts from the last few months, I now know we're supposed to be friends. Too bad I hate the frozen tundra of Rexburg winters, and you don't seem to have plans to move to NC. :'(

  9. Carly, I haven't checked your blog in a long time? How is your family? I love reading your posts. You amaze me with your wonderful writting skills. Hope all is well.
    (I hope you don't read this and think, who is this?)

  10. Of course I know Jodi! Good to hear from you. I hope you are doing well!

    And thanks for the validating comments, everyone. Nice to know I'm not just taking crazy pills over here.

  11. You crack me up! I totally agree. I love my hospital gown & epidural. :)