Birth Plan

It seems very important to people these days to write up a detailed birth plan. I guess it could be a real disaster if things aren't written down and you forget what your birth music is. I mean, how can you give birth to a baby without a soft lullaby playing in the background??? Also, if you don't write these things down, you might forget to bring your tiara. I'm just saying, like, sometimes if you are in labor and suffering a lot and trying to pack up for the hospital, you might neglect a tiara. You could also forget the fondu fountain, champagne/sparkling cider, or felt banner that says "welcome baby." Better safe than sorry: write it down. Furthermore, if you aren't careful, you could forget to wear your sexy camisole/handmade hospital gown/spaghetti strap body-shaper slip. And THEN what the heck are you going to do? Not wear a--gasp--hospital gown?! What are you, a barbarian?

Of course, this is all assuming you plan to go to the hospital at all. Still, even if you are staying home, you need a plan in place. What if you lose your mind because of the pain, and you neglect to fill the birthing tub in time?? If it's not written down, believe me, your sweetheart may not remember it, and then it might be 106 degrees instead of the usual 98.6! And if you choose not to use a tub, you need to know where you'll be squatting and how your hubby will be positioned to catch the baby. Will you use a stool? Bricks? A bed? How about the kitchen table? This is important stuff.

And forget about scheduling childcare if you have other children--have you booked that professional photographer yet? And if he is busy, do you have another one lined up as a back-up? And have you written out a list of photos you want? What is your policy on crotch-shots? How many photos of yourself in agonizing pain will be sufficient, and how many are too many? If you don't know this yet, you need to figure it out, because this is the stuff that matters. Who will write down the play-by-play so you can blog about it later? Who will make sure you have makeup and hair done for all the after-the-delivery photos?

I guess I can see why people need to have such clearly-articulated birth plans. Otherwise, how can you possibly make it the experience you want it to be--i.e., one that is totally all about you?

I'd better get cracking right now. The last thing I want is to be lying in a hospital bed, pain free, comfortable, wearing a hospital gown, with an IV sticking out of my hand, and surrounded by medical professionals who know what they are doing!

P.S. do you think a lacy half tee would look okay under a hospital gown, just in case I don't get my own gown sewn in time?