All these pot-shots at Martha Stewart redecorating her prison cell are getting on my nerves. For one thing, it's such a cheap shot, such an easy joke to make. It requires no thought at all. For another thing, Martha Stewart saved me from a life of dull domesticity and bitterness. You see, housewifery did not come naturally to me. Had I not turned on the TV that fateful day in November of 2001 and tried to make that snowball luminary, I may never have been able to enjoy the art of homemaking. (Incidentally, the materials for the luminary cost over $40 and when it was finished, it blew away from my front porch during a snow storm.) Since then, I have taken great pleasure in Martha Stewart's "good things." I truly worry for her in prison. I don't think it's funny at all.
What people hate about Martha Stewart is the fact that she is a strong, at times ruthless, business-savvy WOMAN. Many of her qualities, were they found in a man, would be celebrated and admired. As it is, she is cast in the worst possible light. Hey, I am no defender of the white-collar criminal. But come on, don't you think that people are a little bit too hard on her? I mean, Martha Stewart made staying at home an art. She empowered the downtrodden woman. I liken her to the feminists of old, the Elizabeth Cady Stantons and Susan B. Anthonies. In fact, a 17th century feminist named Sor Juana once said that "if Artistotle would have prepared victuals, he would have written more." Martha has prepared her share of victuals, and in so doing, has become the Artistotle of the homemakers, the all-knowing mentor. I wish her the best in prison, and bide my time with her trusted magazine editors until her triumphant return.