Well, I went to the BYU Health Center today for some . . . ahem . . . intestinal problems. I was making my way back to see the doctor when--to my horror--I ran right into "really popular girl" from high school who I used to idolize (hereafter referred to as RPG). Turns out RPG works at the Health Center: answering phones, writing down symptoms, looking up patients' records, etc. We exchanged pleasantries and I went to wait in the exam room. Only when I was alone behind the closed door did it hit me that RPG now knew I had something wrong with me. Not only that, but she may have been the one to answer my phone call and write down my symptoms. I sickened as I realized that she may know not only the frequency, but the color and consistency of my recent bowel movements. I made to get up and leave, but realized that the damage had been done. If I walk out now, I reasoned, she'll only ask what the doctor said about my stool sample.
So I tried to calm down, and allowed my eyes to wander around the room, where I noticed this really funky and upsetting model of some seriously UNKNOWN part of the body. I decided to take a chance and run over to it to try and make sense of it. There was one part that detached, but I was none the wiser as I put it back together and sat down, hoping not to get caught by the doctor. I mean, I got an A- in BYU's anatomy class, and I have studied human cadavers, and models . . . the whole nine yards. But let me tell you somethin', this bulbus, fat-covered, plastic thing was like nothing I had seen before. Then I started to get scared. What if this is the part of my body that has something wrong with it? What if this is the thing they might remove from my intestines?
I told myself to relax and focused my attention again on RPG: what if she knows exactly why I am here? What if she is laughing at the "high forehead" yearbook picture of me in our sophomore year right now? What if . . . . what if she . . . . has read my blog!!!??? Luckily the doctor came in right then and I was forced out of my blogomania once more.
By the way: sorry about the bathroom references. I don't usually stoop to this level.
Who was it? Eh? Eh?
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for coming to the shower...I deeply appreciated your take on the candy bars. How did we get so far off course? Oh, by the way, the candy bars at this shower were not melted in diapers.
ReplyDeleteHope you are feeling better! Hey, here's a fun coincidence...my husband works for the company that owns the software that the BYU health center uses! RPG probably used the program to makes notes about your symptoms. So, I bet I could get said husband to hack in, and I'll post it on my blog.
ReplyDeleteNo, seriously...get better soon. Nothin' worse than the "gurgles" down there. (Did I just "stoop", too?)
Wow. I don't even know what to say. I hope you feel better.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should email RPG and ask about the unknown body part.
I'm just happy to see that I am not the only person who thinks highly irrational thoughts while at the doctors... or when running into people from high school. I can't imagine combining both. You are a stronger woman than I am.
ReplyDeleteRepeat this mantra in times like these, "If Sister See can do it with style and grace [sort of] then so can I!"
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your concern. I am fine, by the way. A little shaken up by the whole experience, but fine. Robyn: I cannot tell the name of the person (as she is probably reading this blog as we speak). But I'll give you a hint: she had a unique color of hair and our really close male friend used to yell out her name really loudly and enthusiastically (in high-pitched voice) when she was around. Does that give you any sort of clue?
ReplyDeleteReally...you are SO funny... Hope your pooper gets better...I have no levels... OR decorum...
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