Well, I went to the BYU Health Center today for some . . . ahem . . . intestinal problems. I was making my way back to see the doctor when--to my horror--I ran right into "really popular girl" from high school who I used to idolize (hereafter referred to as RPG). Turns out RPG works at the Health Center: answering phones, writing down symptoms, looking up patients' records, etc. We exchanged pleasantries and I went to wait in the exam room. Only when I was alone behind the closed door did it hit me that RPG now knew I had something wrong with me. Not only that, but she may have been the one to answer my phone call and write down my symptoms. I sickened as I realized that she may know not only the frequency, but the color and consistency of my recent bowel movements. I made to get up and leave, but realized that the damage had been done. If I walk out now, I reasoned, she'll only ask what the doctor said about my stool sample.
So I tried to calm down, and allowed my eyes to wander around the room, where I noticed this really funky and upsetting model of some seriously UNKNOWN part of the body. I decided to take a chance and run over to it to try and make sense of it. There was one part that detached, but I was none the wiser as I put it back together and sat down, hoping not to get caught by the doctor. I mean, I got an A- in BYU's anatomy class, and I have studied human cadavers, and models . . . the whole nine yards. But let me tell you somethin', this bulbus, fat-covered, plastic thing was like nothing I had seen before. Then I started to get scared. What if this is the part of my body that has something wrong with it? What if this is the thing they might remove from my intestines?
I told myself to relax and focused my attention again on RPG: what if she knows exactly why I am here? What if she is laughing at the "high forehead" yearbook picture of me in our sophomore year right now? What if . . . . what if she . . . . has read my blog!!!??? Luckily the doctor came in right then and I was forced out of my blogomania once more.
By the way: sorry about the bathroom references. I don't usually stoop to this level.