A few days ago one of my students asked me if I have ever "done ballroom" before. This was intriguing to me, as I have spent the majority of my life trying to be the opposite of everything that "doing ballroom" encompasses. (Note: I realize that I had a stint with ice skating which resulted in some poor choices of costume, but I think I have MORE than made up for that in the last fourteen or so years.) I tried to get more information from her; for instance, WHY do I look like someone who used to do ballroom dance. But she wasn't very forthcoming. Just "you look like a person who did ballroom."
Immediately I ran through every possible reason to connect a person such as myself with ballroom dance:
Is it my freakishly large calves? Do they look like they've done a lot of high kicks and swishy thingies? (See, I don't even know the TERMS for ballroom dance!)
Or is it the way I carry myself? I had a terrible, horrible, mean mentor tell me once that I look like I'm hugging myself when I teach and that it seems like I'm not very open, so perhaps I've overcorrected with excellent posture and hand-placement??
There are much worse possibilities, though.
Like my makeup! I HAVE been hitting the blush pretty hard lately. But how else am I gonna look awake for an 8:00 a.m. class? I DO wear sparkly eye shadow--the same that Carmindy on "What Not to Wear" puts on teenagers, incidentally--but I always thought it was tasteful and subtle. Could it be my foundation? Is it too thick? Too orange? Cakey? Phony looking? I DO have to layer it on....
Is it the flesh-colored tank top that I sometimes wear underneath white blouses? It IS flesh-colored.
I'm going OUT OF MY MIND!
The question is, what about me and my appearance seems to shout....
As much as I love the movie Strictly Ballroom, I don't like the idea of someone looking at me and imagining me with slicked-back hair, shockingly fake makeup, and a flambouyant costume that consists of mostly flesh-colored mesh that, frankly, is not FOOLING anyone.
What do I do now? I certainly can't go on like this, shouting out "I'm a ballroom dancer!!!" to everyone I see. I need assistance. I need someone to take some secret videos of me walking down the street. Am I SASHAYING?? Is there some vaseline on my teeth that I'm unaware of? Seriously. Help. Me.