Wednesday, September 26, 2007

My Book Club is Giving me a Complex

I don't think I am cut out for book clubs. I seem to always find myself in either a) a book club that doesn't actually read or discuss the book, but that just uses the whole "we all read this book" excuse to get together, impress each other with fancy treats and home decor, and talk about ourselves; or b) a book club that is apparently above anything that was ever on the New York Times best seller list and that thinks you are an idiot if you suggest a book that is not epic poetry. I'm either the snobbiest person about literature in the room, or the biggest ditz. Why can't I find a happy medium?

I finally suggested a book at a book club for the first time ever and the response was something like polite disdain. Although the group did settle on my suggestion, it was only after I said "I feel like you don't trust my recommendations" and made the leader feel guilty. Now things are bad. What if the group hates my book? What if they think it's ditzy? What happens when I show up next time and they say "I couldn't even get into this" or "it's only mediocre," etc. See? I'm not cut out for a book club because if someone hates the book I love, it means they hate ME.

I wish I could be like Mike, who never gets his feelings hurt. He doesn't care what people think of him. He doesn't go home and analyze every nuance of an evening, nor does he enjoy sitting and listening to my analysis of every nuance of an evening. But not to worry: I have compensated for his lack of self-consciousness by doubling my own efforts. Now I worry about what people think of me, and my spouse. It's a shameful spiral of self-loathing. I pluck up the courage to, say, suggest a book that I found profound, then I immediately feel shot down, so I back-pedal by pretending to be stupid, then I agonize over what people will think of the book, then I also agonize over whether Mike will wear overalls to the book club......etc. It never stops. Someone help me!

19 comments:

  1. So what's the book? I gotta know. I promise I won't hate you if I hate it.

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  2. Oh, yeah. The History of Love by Nicole Krauss. It's PROFOUND (at least I think so).

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  3. I love the History of Love and I'll be mad if those haters have anything bad to say about it.

    It's hard to find a good book club. I was in a good one in DC but it only had 4 people in it. We called it DOA, which stands for Dead or Alive.

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  4. I want to be in a book club with you. I think I'm middlebrow enough for it to work. Not that you're middlebrow. Unless you want to be considered middlebrow.

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  5. Whoa. You really upped the ante by suggesting a book that you love and by emotionally blackmailing them with guilt by suggesting they don't trust your recommendations. I can't imagine a situation with higher stakes. Don't worry, History of Love delivers. If they didn't like it call them anti-Semites.

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  6. Really? Your book club wants to read only epic poetry? As in, Beowulf and stuff? I'm kind of fascinated by this.

    And, what I wouldn't give to be in a book club with you! (Did I say that right?) I would love your recommendations! I would never, ever recommend epic poetry! And I would never pretend to read a book only to trick you into coming over to admire my home decor (ha!). We'll leave the Mike in overalls question open for discussion.

    I am not kidding about this.

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  7. We could, we could indeed. (I've been hoping all night you would want to.) Unless you're moving to Taiwan.

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  8. I belong to a non-readers but love to socialize book club. I'm ok with that right now. I'm glad you stood up for yourself.

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  9. Why don't people who aren't into reading but love to socialize just call it a social club?

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  10. I don't even own overalls...dang it! And there is nothing wrong with the book club.

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  11. I have always avoided book clubs because there's too much pressure in choosing a book, like it has to encompass my entire identity/philosophy of life and be impressive and meaningful for others in some way, and yet I don't want to spend MY time reading books on other peoples' lists, so it doesn't make me a very good candidate for a book club. Interestingly enough, many of my informal "socializing clubs" have lead to recommendations for books I've really enjoyed maybe because the pressure's off? If I were a sociologist, I'm sure I would have more to say about this.

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  12. The History of Love is a good book. I liked it. You're going to be fine.
    So I'd love to be in a book club with you too, and my question is, why can't we all do it? Carly, it's your calling. Let's have the Carly blog book club. And Mike can wear his non existent overalls to it if he wants.

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  13. This outpouring of love and support is astounding. Perhaps I WILL start a little blogging book club.

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  14. Lisa, what if everyone brought suggestions of books at the beginning of the year and voted on them, so it became a mutual decision, and you needn't define yourself with the quintessential Lisa book? What then? Would you come? Will you ever even see this comment? We took our kids to King Lear on Saturday. It was fun.

    Carly, let's make it happen.

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  15. I'm in! I could compile a nice list and would love to participate. Especially if there's food involved.

    Thanks for going to King Lear. Did the puppets freak out your kids? Topher is always worried about that (but apparently not worried enough to leave them out!)

    I have been meaning to read The History of Love, no kidding, for a while.

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  16. I feel you. The only good thing that ever came from book club for me is that I met my boyfriend there.

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  17. Big announcement re: blogging book club coming soon. I think my public will be very happy.

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  18. Count me in on the book club. I love the idea of book clubs, now maybe I've finally found one! Our ward tried to start one for an enrichment small group activity, but when I attended the first meeting, I found that it was a group of social misfits! Couldn't decide if that meant I was one or not. On the subject of overalls, let's just say that I'm glad I didn't marry one of my brothers, that being one of the many reasons!

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  19. yipee! I'm really excited about the blogging bookclub!

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