I am currently experimenting with a hiatus from the blog, you know since I just have NO TIME to blog anymore. But it seems like every time I take a step back from blogging, it keeps pulling me back in. Observe these little blog-worthy ideas that have been germinating in my head over the last little while:
1. I am really getting to be strong, because it doesn't even bother me when I am at the store and one or more of my children is crying. It used to throw me into a panic when they cried in public. Now, I just keep on shoppin' and return every dirty look I get with an even dirtier look. I think this means that I have developed a healthy callous on my soul.
2. My commitment to shoppin' is pretty intense. For example, the other day I was at Kmart and Hazel had an accident. It went through her pants, bypassed her pink cowboy boots, through the cart, and made a little puddle on the floor near the Martha Stewart flannel sheets. Unfortunately, I had no wipes or napkins to clean up the puddle, so I reported the accident and then kept right on shopping. Like a little public urination is going to come between me and my Big K!
3. Also, I am no respector of "marts." I can go to K or Wal mart quite happily.
4. However, I am getting really fed up with shelling out big money to keep up with all the incontinence in my household. Diapers, pull-ups, "sleep underwear" (read: Goodnights at one dollar per night). Hello? When is this pee and poo fest going to end? The sad thing is that when it DOES end, I will only have a small window of time before I am shelling out money to maintain MY OWN incontinent ways. I can't WAIT for middle age: the small window of time when I will be able to use my incontinence budget to buy holiday sweaters with sequin santas on them!
5. I stepped on a dead squirrel a while ago and I squealed out loud and made a big production about it. A man saw everything from his front yard and asked me if I needed help. Then I yelled good-naturedly, "no! Just stepped on a dead squirrel!" Weird.
And that's just off the top of my head!!! I think the blog world needs me.
The internet DOES need you. Especially as you document your journey into incontinence. (Like you're not already there...or is it just me?)
ReplyDeleteHa. I can't hide anything from you.
ReplyDeleteWe, and by we I mean the internet, needs you. I'm a little disturbed by the amount of incontinence in your blogs, though.
ReplyDeletethe dead squirrel one is my very favorite, followed closely by the incontinence budget. We do need you.
ReplyDeleteI love reading your blog, you always make me laugh!
ReplyDeleteKmart has really moved up in the world.
ReplyDeleteTeach me how to callous my soul please.
I've been lurking for awhile now, and decided to fess up. I'm from your old ward, on Wilcox Circle. When you said you were no respecter of Marts, I knew we were soulmates. Do you have your favorite K-Mart and WalMart? Do you nickname them? I do. I'm sick that way.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I have a soul anymore, just a giant callous.
We need you!
oh, the internet DOES need you! For heaven sakes, I just had such a good laugh...and also really started thinking about incontinence. More than one should, I am thinking.
ReplyDeletewe definitely need you. i love it when you post new stuff. and i hear you on the holiday sweatshirt with sequins and baubles. when we were in line to vote, i took particular notice of the fact that almost ALL the women over 55 were wearing some form of sequined, tassled, appliqued sweatsuit. Heaven help us....
ReplyDeleteWhen Michael said you might not blog any more, I was sad. This one gave me a good laugh. There are a few years between when the kids need diapers and you feel you need them. You will have to make the best of the time you have. I hate to tell you but they do grow up and all too fast!
ReplyDeleteSheryl
The sequins on the sweater are meant to take the attention away from all the other parts that are sagging, wrinkling, etc. However!, I see vibrant wrinkly people all around me and vow to make it full steam ahead: wrinkles, grey hair, sagging body parts, incontinence and all!
ReplyDelete