Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I'm Not Much of a Woman

Lately I've been feeling very unwomanly. I always sort of feel out of place at enrichment meetings, et. al., but I think the real kicker was when they were giving away free "di-cuts" at the faculty wives Fall Social at BYU Idaho. I was like "what on earth is a di-cut? What the heck am I gonna do with a little paper cut-out of a chick? A bunny? A pumpkin?" While a frenzy of di-cut loving women descended on the basket of freebies like a swarm of flies on an open container of barbecued pork, I just stood there and wished I actually was EATING some bbqed pork instead of the "lady food" offered there (not that it wasn't good, because it was, but it was lady food. I'm just saying, you don't see ribs at women's events--yet aren't we ladies actually MADE of ribs? What gives? I've discussed this in great detail here). So THAT was upsetting.

I'm just not a normal, typical woman. I feel uncomfortable at ladies' events. In fact, the smell of pantyhose and perfume at the annual BYU Women's Conference is positively suffocating to me. I hate women's choirs. I'm not one of those people who think it's cool to dislike Relief Society, but I certainly am one of those people who sit in RS lessons thinking "what are all these ladies doing all day that makes them say they have no time? I've got time! I spend a lot of time just sitting and staring off into space. Enter di-cuts....I guess I should be scrapbooking with all my spare time!"

Yeah, so, I'm not much of a woman. But yesterday I had a real woman moment when I canned peaches. There we were: just three ladies canning peaches and.....making fun of Sarah Palin. "Hillary Clinton is strong, like a MAN!" I said. "That's why nobody likes her! That's why 'the man' tries to keep her down." "Yeah!" OH.....I guess I'm still not qualified to be a woman. I mean, I'm getting closer. I have several beautiful jars of lovely peaches and peach jam on the one hand, but on the other hand, I still love a good mannish woman in a bad pantsuit. I think I'll go out and buy some di-cuts.

11 comments:

  1. Yeah. Totally. I gave up scrapbooking for blogging.

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  2. If being a woman means I have to freak over free die-cuts, then I am putting all my effort into growing a penis.

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  3. Is that how it's spelled? DiE cuts? See, I don't even know.

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  4. Question: what are canned peaches for? And are they really in "cans"?

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  5. Interesting observation. That is why I can't live in areas that are heavily peopled with Mormons. I love the gospel but the culture that has grown among the members is down right nauseating. I know what you are thinking - hypocrite - because yes at one time or another I have been into all that stuff. In my defense it was only because I felt a strong need to feel like I too fit in and was accepted. I have to say that our current living situtation has been very refreshing. We don't make wooden signs or ceramic tiles with sayings on them for Enrichment Night.

    So I guess I'm saying you should either move or find some way to bring other interests to the table.

    P.S. I love jarred peaches.

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  6. Hey Carly--jumped over from Kacy. FUNNY post that I completely identified with. I will say that I do enjoy scrapbooking BUT I have never enjoyed die cuts, which means that I don't fit the scrapper mold. Wah. (I just like to make up my own thing.) Anyway, I don't can anything and I don't giggle. Or do "girls night out" very well. I generally avoid it. But I do like a pedicure now and then, which keeps me in the women's club. You just need one thing really. :)

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  7. I think that's about 8 lovely jars to be exact and I still have them. You'll have to wrest them from my salty little hands. And yes, I didn't even know how to discuss it at the "social" without swearing---what the hell were those die-cuts doing there? I mean really, who thought, on a table with brochures of things to do on campus that neon colored die-cuts in ziploc baggies would be something to go along? And you haven't even mentioned knitting.

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  8. You may not feel like you are much of a woman, but oh Carly, you are my kind of woman! I could have written this post for you (although it probably wouldn't have come out as nicely) because ever since my first "homemaking" light dinner served, I have been underfed and bitter about it at every RS function. It was years ago at one such light dinner that I was putting on a little show for my table, of, you know, all my best scenes from a certain animated TV program that is apparently NOT WELCOME in RS circles, and I don't mean to brag but everyone at my table was whooping it up, that is until I ruined it by revealing my source, The Simpsons. And that was that.

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  9. there are so many lady events in my ward. i think i'm becoming the charity project of some of the girls since i never go.

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  10. I've always thought that being a woman was less about scrapbooking and more about "workin' what your mama gave ya."

    Maybe that's why I'm not married.

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  11. I just found your blog and I am so glad you wrote this post.

    Scrapbooking is on my list of things I don't understand, along with matching clothing and vinyl letters all over the place.

    I just moved back to the 'Tah for about a year in between relocations. The 'Tah bugs sometimes, but the culture is definately changing. Is it werid that I find tattoos and smoking refreshing?

    Die-cuts aren't for making you feel like a woman, husbands are.

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